Sometimes Sisyphus

Bidding adieu to 2011

2011-12-30T22:17:00.003-05:00

There's my little guy crawling to the future. I can't believe that I'll be going back to work in a couple of months. It's time though. He's doing well [touch wood] and well on his way to becoming his own little person. Although his birth was quite the ordeal, he was, and continues to be, my joy this year. Not that a kid doesn't bring stress - whoever gets pregs with the idea that it will bring

Body image

2011-12-19T12:49:00.002-05:00

Ah yes, the photo above seems to show what everyone believes women see when they look in the mirror. That seems to 1980s to me though as nowadays I think that many people have my issue - I've gained weight but still see the 'thin' me when I look in the mirror. Really. So reverse the above pic and you have more the Snooze perception. Rationally I know I've gained weight and no, I'm not

Blogging block

2011-11-14T20:51:00.001-05:00

I have not been blogging in a while. Part of it is the baby, and part of it is that so many people have stopped blogging now. I miss the days when there were so many bloggers. Facebook/Twitter are not the same. On FB I know all the people and the updates are so brief. It's great for remembering birthdays, but otherwise all it does is suck up my time on superficial updates. Anyhow, back to

And the moving hell continues...

2011-09-28T09:38:00.002-04:00

I had a different post planned - all about my negative body image (oh yes, bet you're sorry I didn't go into that typical female rant...), but right now I'm waiting for the floor guys to come and replace our bedroom floor. Before we moved in, there was a leak in one of our bedroom windows and the whole floor was ruined. But the replacement never happened and eventually we bought IKEA wardrobes in

Trapped

2011-08-23T10:53:00.002-04:00

Having a baby who is pretty easy-going is not too bad (I mean, it's a joy and all, I'm referring to the work part here). But moving? Hell. Hell, hell, hell. We have been in our new place for over a month now, but we still have too much stuff and contractors are still in and out finishing/fixing stuff. I'm slowly going mad and feeling trapped. Now that it's cooling down a bit though, I'm going to

Newest member of the tribe

2011-07-07T10:15:00.003-04:00

This is a pic from Pride week-end. We didn't stay long as the noise and crowds aren't ideal for a baby.Our little family only got keys to our new condo yesterday. Now the unpacking begins! We've been staying with family which is truly great, but we just want to be in our own place. This whole past month has been like being on hold and my world has shrunk down to me and the baby (and a bit of TM

Nap time

2011-05-26T17:25:00.002-04:00

So proud of my little guy

2011-05-18T13:15:00.002-04:00

When I look at the first pictures of my son, I'm amazed that I have a chubby little guy at home now. So grateful to his medical team and that he's a fighter!

What makes a boy?

2011-05-14T10:22:00.002-04:00

What is with children's toy and clothing branding today? I was ranting on Facebook how one outfit that my son has is not only blue, but the manufacturers had to go and print "BOY" on the front of it. WTF? Were they worried that some parent might go and - God forbid - buy that blue outfit for a female baby? Were they worried that despite a parent going with the 'boys in blue' code that some person

Marital ties

2011-04-26T09:32:00.002-04:00

I already noted that when I thought I was on my deathbed, I panicked about family finding my home porn. Lesson learned, when we had to move out of our place in order to show it, I made sure that the toy box was well stashed. However, I did overlook my bondage book - Two Knotty Boys show you the Ropes. No problem, I shoved it in a bag and took it with me to my parents [not hard to see where this

impatience won

2011-04-17T12:55:00.002-04:00

When Finn failed the car test (or as I look at it - the car test failed Finn) I immediately lost all adult coping skills and cried my eyes out in the middle of the nursery. The nurse who had been looking after him that day was so kind and comforted me assuring that many babies passed on their second try. Then the doctor arrived and we went into a more private area so he could talk to me about the

Gratitude and yet impatience

2011-04-13T07:14:00.002-04:00

After 9 weeks, my son was supposed to be released from hospital today but yesterday he 'failed' his car seat test. This was a test where they set my son in his car seat on a stand and monitored his oxygen levels. Long story, but the doctor assured me that this test had nothing to do with his actual health, my son is well, but that this controversial test will keep him in the hospital for another

Marketing for lactation consultants

2011-03-14T12:45:00.003-04:00

If I had had a full-term baby I would have tried to breast feed, but if it hadn't worked, I would have switched to formula. However, for my little preemie, breast milk is essential and thus I am giving it a heroic effort, including taking prescription meds to increase my milk flow. I'm certainly producing enough to feed my son right now, but as he gets bigger, I won't be able to keep up with his

Last requests

2011-03-09T08:16:00.002-05:00

Just before I went into surgery, I began to think that I might not survive. As such, I was telling my parents to look after TM and make sure he was provided for as I hadn't gotten around to changing my will. At one point after, I was alone with my sister and I had a request for her as well. Me: If I don't make it...Her: Oh god... don't say that.Me: No but listen if I don't, I need you to do

Update

2011-03-05T08:36:00.002-05:00

My son is doing well. He's now 2 and a half pounds, which oddly seems huge to me. He was also moved to a new hospital where they have a nursery which is a step down in medical care - this is good - it means he doesn't need as much supervision. He is doing well but still needs a CPAP to help his breathe which isn't unexpected for premature babies.I am pumping away, hooked up like a heifer to an

What I've been up to

2011-02-14T21:34:00.004-05:00

Some of you know this via FB, but the reason I haven't been blogging in a while is because I did indeed develop pre-eclampsia (in fact *severe* pre-eclampsia - I'm nothing if not dramatic) and gave birth 10 weeks early.The wonderful news is that TM and I have a beautiful little son. He has to stay in the NICU for the next few months, but he is doing well. I go each day to the hospital and visit

Best Sunday morning tv ever

2011-01-30T10:36:00.002-05:00

I was half-watching Coronation Street but then went to have a shower - when I came back out, the Canadian documentary expose show W5 was on. It's on the mob in Montreal. Anyhow, the part that is cracking me up is that they are playing surveillance tapes and phone taps and giving subtitles for everything. This is beyond hilarious - if you're not involved that is, If you are involved with the mob,

One month and counting

2011-01-30T09:01:00.003-05:00

I have been low-level sick for a month now. It's very draining spiritually but whatever - people live with worse. I'm just frightened that I'm going to develop pre-eclampsia which can be life-threatening for mother and child. If that happens the only solution is inducing delivery which I'm too early for right now. Ah well, I have an appointment next week with my OB so I'll see what's up

Who needs codeine?

2011-01-23T20:10:00.002-05:00

Apparently pregnancy is giving me the same crazy dreams. Mind you, that may be because I'm waking up all the freaking time (thank you pregnancy for putting my mild sleep apnea into overdrive) - and I'm remembering them. The other night I had a dream that I met blogger Stewie (he blogs "A Perfect Example" and writes reviews of horror movies). We ended up going to watch his favourite horror movie,

More little loves

2011-01-08T13:40:00.002-05:00

Today I feel like crap and so am back in love with Bird's custard. My mum used to make that for me and my sibs when we were kids, especially when we were ill. It's still completely soothing to me and is one of the few foods that appeals to me right now. I also am craving beans on toast but I have no beans, and worse, no bread. This will necessitate a trip to the grocery store later on today. I

Gratitude

2011-01-01T09:36:00.002-05:00

Welcome 2011!There was so much that I had to be grateful for in 2010. Topping the charts would be family and friends, my in-laws, my new family (TM and growing ALF), the miracle that I was even able to get pregnant, still having a job, and the most awesome family doctor ever.Yet there are other smaller items that keep me going and deserve their own little shout-outs.Cipralex: Thank you little

Peace to all

2010-12-26T13:32:00.003-05:00

I hope that everyone is enjoying the holidays. I am catching up on some much-needed sleep.Right now I'm watching Scarface on A&E right now. I prefer it to the Christmas schlock which has been polluting the tv channels of late. However, A&E is one of those channels that irritatingly blocks out 'bad' language. In Scarface this equates to about half the dialogue in scenes. More to the point, all the

Sleeping sickness

2010-12-12T18:31:00.002-05:00

Between my week off and my first week back at work I've been quite productive during the week, and paying for it at the week-end. As in, I cannot stay awake. This used to happen to me as a student though - around February each year I would sleep for about 3 days straight. Today I got up with the dog, but ended up sleeping for another hour at eleven, and then another four hours at 2pm. I only

Highs and Lows

2010-11-29T22:39:00.003-05:00

I have taken this week off to try and get on top of things at home. Or rather, to dig out from under the mess of laundry, outstanding cards to write, etc. It's not relaxing at all, but it will help with my stress level considerably if I can knock some things off my to-do list. I don't have the energy or desire to do enough after work, and TM doesn't either.One big happy event of the week is that

Please no. Not now. Not again

2010-11-14T09:49:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I read my old blog posts and I realize how bad my depression got. It's difficult to explain to people who don't live with depression how ruthless it is. It's not like my whole life was a sad moment - truly there were some things about untreated depression that I miss - the sense of nihilism and adventure and focus to name a few. Yet, last night I was thinking that I haven't thought of

Lest we forget... to go shopping???

2010-11-10T21:43:00.002-05:00

I came home from work today sick and spent the whole afternoon conked out in bed. I hope to go to the Remembrance Day ceremony tomorrow at the parliament building, but I'll see what shape I'm in. Regardless, I will observe the minute of silence and follow a ceremony on tv if I don't feel well enough to leave the house.I'll tell you what I won't be doing to honour those who have served and who are

My Christmas/Birthday gift

2010-11-08T20:37:00.001-05:00

Early, but it's my new bike helmet. I am so in love with it. Can't wait until I give birth and can bike again! [albeit with a trailer attached]

The scent of a woman

2010-11-04T07:27:00.002-04:00

I was reading a debate over bathing habits: http://www.metafilter.com/97262/au-naturelIt seems that many people are shocked and appalled to discover that some people don't shower every single fucking day of life. What's funny is that the article makes it perfectly clear that except for a few people who are somehow embracing their natural odour, that the people profiled are still indulging in some

The annual complaint

2010-11-02T13:11:00.003-04:00

I like Canadian Thanksgiving being low-key and in October. That said, it's days like today that I almost wish that we shared the November American Thanksgiving, for no other reason than the fact that Christmas wouldn't be the only major holiday looming after Hallowe'en.I walked into my neighbourhood Starbucks today and realized that Santa and his elves had barfed up decorations all over the store

the mIssing kink

2010-10-24T08:44:00.003-04:00

One thing that pregnancy has done is zapped my libido. By the end of the day I have no energy, and I'm often somewhat queasy so that doesn't make for a great sex drive. Also, because during the first trimester I had a good deal of spotting and bleeding (apparently quite common, but also quite alarming), this left penetration off the menu. Or at least vaginal penetration, but the lack of energy

Starting the day like a frat boy

2010-10-22T07:35:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I took my prenatal vitamin and iron supplement with a glass of juice but didn't have time to eat. I decided I would grab breakfast at work. In retrospect a bad idea since vitamins + empty stomach = queasiness. This is without the added joy of pregnancy nausea. I started to feel queasy on the streetcar ride, and by the time I descended into the subway entrance, I knew I was going to

Slogging onward

2010-10-18T06:51:00.002-04:00

I've come to the conclusion that I have a cold. I figured I was feeling crappy just due to pregnancy crappiness, but sore throat and being a snot factory seems to indicate otherwise. Meanwhile my appetite has kicked into high gear and I need to stock up on healthier food. I will not be at a healthy pregnancy weight at all if I continue my current carb craze. At least it's weekdays again where I

Condoms work! and other news

2010-10-12T07:55:00.002-04:00

Rox and I are the same age, but she is preparing to be a grandmother, and I'm on my way to experiencing motherhood. I think she timed it better, but each person's life works on it's own schedule and I'm just accepting that my moniker Snooze will be but a distant memory six months from now (touch wood that all goes well!).Getting pregnant did make me realize how well condoms work. I've never been

Chicken balls aren't authentic?

2010-10-05T21:48:00.002-04:00

My family were always adventurous eaters and we sought out cuisine from around the world. But let's face it, unless you have someone who is highly familiar with a given cuisine, you are going to have trouble piecing a proper meal together. This was the case with my family and Chinese food. Oh sure, it's not like we thought that giant egg rolls or chow mein were authentic, but we felt we were

Letting the fox loose in the hen house

2010-09-28T20:42:00.003-04:00

I am now the rep in charge of making sure that no one is harassed in the office. Reactions from colleagues include bursting into laughter or asking, "No, really? You?"Truly, it doesn't seem right. It was because of my brilliant idea to put the featured guns 'n' gals for October one year as the screen saver on the computer in the shared reference office (many jobs past) that prompted the chair of

Thank heaven for Japanese white bread

2010-09-19T20:40:00.003-04:00

Forget baguettes, forget crusty Italian loaf - step aside rye, pumpernickel, and whole wheat - my new [admittedly unhealthy] carb joy is Japanese white bread. TM once described it to me as he had tried it in Tokyo. He said, "It's like a giant croissant".Today we were out exploring north of Toronto. One mall up there is called J-Town. The last time I went there everything was shut except for one

I take my sleeping seriously

2010-09-18T10:12:00.001-04:00

This is probably why I am starting to hate my upstairs neighbour. Oh I'm sure he's a young, partying dude and that's fine and all, but I'm not and I'm fine with making noise complaints every single time I hear his music through my ceiling. It first started during the Olympics - he would come back home when the bars closed at 2am with a group of friends and crank up the music. I mean, this was

My doggy

2010-09-16T07:29:00.001-04:00

She is a catalogue model, don't ya know?

Where do I live?

2010-09-14T19:17:00.003-04:00

The other night TM and I were watching the series premiere of CW's Nikita. I'm used to seeing Toronto masquerading as other cities and it becomes a game to see what buildings you can recognize. At one point Nikita drove up to a building and TM remarked that it was City Hall. As I usually don't recognize anything, I was excited to see the familiar curves of City Hall. Right at the point where we

New method of saving water

2010-09-13T17:38:00.002-04:00

Normally we wash the dog about every three months in the upstairs shower stall. However, said stall is still filled with boxes from when everything was packed while our floors were redone. I had no energy to move all the boxes, so I just dragged the dog into the soaker tub on the main floor and washed her using that shower while I had my shower before work. It worked well. With the higher sides

Quitting is for quitters

2010-09-07T20:45:00.003-04:00

I have cut down a lot on my caffeine consumption. I am down to a solo espresso in the morning. I do find that I am sleeping better. It used to be that I could have an espresso at midnight and be fast asleep half an hour later, but now caffeine does affect my sleep - one of the other stupid aspects of aging. Anyhow, today I thought, "Why don't I give up coffee completely?". It suffices to say that

End of summer

2010-08-31T07:18:00.003-04:00

I can't wait for Fall. Of course right now Toronto is in the middle of a heat wave so Autumn doesn't seem near at all, but really it will be here before I know it. I like Fall. Finally no more air conditioning and yet no need quite for boots, scarves, and mitts.Life is chugging along. I had insomnia the other night and went downstairs to read for a while. I decided to just sleep on the couch, but

Rip van Winkle time

2010-08-24T21:12:00.002-04:00

Good grief. We are finally back in our condo. Remember the great flood of May 2010? That would be the one where our upstairs toilet broke and within minutes all of our flooring was destroyed. Since then we've been living on bare concrete floors with scattered area rugs which get dirty and covered in pet fur in days. However, we took a week's vacation and during that time arranged for the flooring

Fear of BBQs

2010-07-28T20:17:00.004-04:00

TM and I are the proud owners of the Big Green Egg(tm) grill and smoker. We love it. I can bake pizzas and grill my veggies and tofu on it, he can toss all sorts of dead animals on. I even learned how to start it and use it (I was never a bbq person) - and so far I'm loving it. However, I'm also somewhat scared of it. My fear has little to do with the heat and smoke. Instead, it's because I find

Blame it on the ring

2010-07-25T09:41:00.003-04:00

Marriage is making me fat. I have become a lazy little cow - shuffling between work and the couch and deluding myself into thinking that walking home from work is enough exercise in the day. Must get back on track...

Stupid fact about me you don't need to know

2010-07-14T20:31:00.001-04:00

I named my most recent vibrator after a committee I have to deal with at work. It makes booking meetings very entertaining for me. "Oh yes, I think I need MORE meetings with Committee X..."

Good day/ Bad day

2010-07-07T20:30:00.002-04:00

It was one of those nothing days today. Work filled with successes and meeting with people I admire, and also having to suffer through some other moments of work that kill my will to live. The day started well: I woke up at 6am and actually got out of bed instead of going back to sleep. I function much better if I get up when I first wake up. However, I had no cash whatsoever left in my wallet

God Save the Queen

2010-07-06T08:29:00.003-04:00

So many queens last week-end at Pride, and now today I am going to go and see the ultimate Queen - Elizabeth II. Then I have FIFA to watch at a late lunch. Goodness! I'm going to be at work until at least seven tonight just to get my hours in. Actually, I think that going to hear the Queen's address is a government approved work event. After all, in order to work for the provincial government you

Marching on

2010-07-02T07:55:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was Canada Day but as I am disgusted by this country right now with our police state mentality and the social conservatism that our petty prime minister is bringing in I could not see a flag without wanting to vomit. Also, there were no World Cup games so I largely spent the day with the dog, either walking or sleeping. In the evening TM and I went to a fabulous Canada Day party at his

The war zone that isn't

2010-06-28T19:20:00.004-04:00

Chaos managed to descend after all on Toronto's hosting of the G20. Cop cars burned, windows smashed, tons of arrests, peaceful protesters detained for no reason except mass confusion. Good times. I was out of town at the time at my sister's place. The news images were shocking. The black bloc people smashing windows and torching police cars. And there was damage - the Starbucks where I had a

It's a buffet!

2010-06-26T08:49:00.002-04:00

The city has been largely deserted all week. It's G8/G20 protest time and we are in lockdown. My organization, in complete paranoia, allowed us all to work from home this week. Personally I hate working from home so apart from Thursday when I did work from home, I went into the office I normally work from on Tuesdays only. Its a bit more removed from security and protest sites so there was no

Coffee, step aside

2010-06-21T07:57:00.005-04:00

There's a new addiction now. FIFA! FIFA! FIFA!I'm watching Portugal right now play North Korea and it's pouring. Poor players - I mean, everything is soaked. I am kind of cheering for North Korea as they are the completely hidden team, but I also adore Portugal and they just scored, so yay Portugal! Toronto's streets will be going wild. Its not raining here.This has been such a tournament of

Controlling my addiction

2010-06-20T07:38:00.003-04:00

As much as I love coffee, I no longer keep any in the house. I only buy some for when I'm having people over. The reason is that I'm a complete addict and drink too much when I have it around.I now control my addiction like someone on methadone maintenance therapy: each morning when walking the dog, I go to the local Starbucks and get my doppio espresso. There is no temptation to 'have another

Life going on

2010-06-16T21:13:00.002-04:00

How did I end up married to a milk drinker? We are going through 4 litres of milk a week. Yeesh! Still, I almost never see him drinking the stuff so life is good and we are still in a honeymoon phase.Apart from that the city is going mental preparing for the G8/G20. Right now they are removing all the saplings from the security zone. Police are worried that protesters will use those poor little

Love conquers all (eventually!)

2010-06-14T20:42:00.002-04:00

Although my parents never once were verbally hostile to my sister nor threatened to disown her when she announced her transition, I would be lying if I said that none of us had our own issues to deal with. When a close family member radically changes their identity (or at least what we thought their identity was), it causes everyone to rethink their own identity. In my case, I was fine with my

Meme from IDV

2010-06-12T08:32:00.002-04:00

1. What's your earliest memory?I don't really remember anything before school. Vague memories of eating a cheese sandwich in my friend's treehouse. There were three of us and she had a peanut butter sandwich and our friend Alistair had a banana sandwich. We all were showing what each looked like chewed up. 2. What was the last thing you ate?Sweet potato biscuits, fried plantain, and blackened

Living with a doggy

2010-06-09T07:42:00.002-04:00

As everyone predicted, my little zoo is happy now. The cats and the dog all have figured out how to share space. I would say that over-all I am still a cat person, but I do completely adore our dog, and I see how people get so addicted to the instant feedback and enthusiasm that dogs give. I am the morning dog walker as TM is not a morning person. Each morning the dog and I do a circle route: we

Slowly returning to normal

2010-06-03T20:30:00.002-04:00

Last night I was so tired that I fell asleep in my work clothes. Woke up that way as well. The deep sleep helped though - I feel back to myself today.As I noted, the wedding went well. Very well. It was the perfect size and style for us, but that doesn't mean it was not without its problems. I think this is why I avoided blogging for the past month or so. I didn't want to write endlessly about

Tired but happy

2010-05-31T07:22:00.002-04:00

Well folks, I am now officially married. Everything went very well on the day, and at the Chinese banquet the day after. I wasn't concerned about the weather because I decided well in advance of the wedding that as weather is the one thing none of us can control, I was not going to stress about it. That said, it was a sunny day and we were able to have the ceremony outside, which really helped as

Still laughing

2010-04-17T10:53:00.003-04:00

I was reading about some assertiveness meeting a guy had to attend and apparently when the instructor said, "There's no 'I' in team, a voice called out - yes, but there's a 'u' in cunt".

Moi? Difficult to live with?

2010-04-07T12:56:00.003-04:00

Last night my guy told me that he was having trouble to adjusting living with someone. Not trouble as in 'can't do it/second thoughts' - just that he found it a big change and somewhat stressful to suddenly have to share space with a partner. Meanwhile, I've been telling everyone I know that this living situation has been such an easy adjustment for me. and that it's so relaxing.My clutter is

Inspirational message from a religious LEADER

2010-04-06T16:19:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it seems that all religion sows is hatred and nastiness. In honour of Easter just passed, here is a fucking amazing speech from Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu. Well done sir - I'm so glad you received the Nobel Peace Prize.In Africa, a Step Backward on Human RightsBy Archbishop Emeritus Desmond TutuMarch 22, 2010Hate has no place in the house of God.No one should be excluded from our

the looming shadow

2010-03-16T12:30:00.002-04:00

With my mother recovering at home and all fine except for a majorly broken arm, the wedding plans are now at the forefront again. I am grateful that neither side is trying to go overboard on preparations. I am also trying hard not to fall into some sort of bridal craze. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I start to think, "I wonder what I'd look like in a white gown" despite the fact that wearing a

Deep breaths

2010-03-10T10:03:00.003-05:00

Not the pervy kind, I'm only trying to stay calm and keep moving forward.My move was a nightmare. Last week I was at my old place until at least midnight every night doing final packing/moving/cleaning. The last night was the worst and thank heavens for the extra tags you can buy for garbage bags (you only get to throw out a binfull of garbage every two weeks, but you can pay for stickers if you

Chaos reigns supreme

2010-02-26T11:14:00.002-05:00

The move is not going well, but much better than my last one. Most of the furniture was moved on Monday, but I am going to my old place tonight and will be spending all week-end packing the final items and cleaning. Ah well, it will all happen.I do like living with the man though and eventually I have faith that the animals will all get along. Right now my older cat is living on top of my

Go Lindsey go!

2010-02-17T22:06:00.002-05:00

I was out tonight but came home to the Canadian announcer almost having an orgasm over American Lindsey Vonn's ski run. He could not say enough good about it. Not only did she win the gold, but he said it's one of the greatest runs he's even seen (compared it to Franz Klammer's run in 1976). Then they showed the recap - very true. I admired the guts she had in attacking that run and heard her

Happy New Year!

2010-02-16T20:18:00.002-05:00

It's the year of the Tiger. I'm not sure what that means except that I ate a heck of a lot of food and am discovering so many Chinese dishes. Growing up I thought that authentic Chinese food was the Pupu platter at the local Chinese/Canadian restaurant. Now I crave coconut bread and live for the fungus/tofu platter. I am not very adept with chopsticks, but I muddle my way through. My next

What if...

2010-02-10T23:35:00.003-05:00

What if in a relationship YOU were the asshole, the jerk, the one who fucked it up completely? I would love to look back and see that all the guys I dated were flawed in some way and didn't recognize my inherent greatness, but truly, I was so utterly and ultimately destroyed by my last break-up that I had to realize that maybe I was the problem in my relationships.

Did any other Canadians know this rhyme?

2010-02-10T23:18:00.002-05:00

I remember in grade school how I would lock arms with a few girls and we would march around the playground chanting, "Hey! Hey! Get out of our way! We just came back from the U.S.A! Hey, hey, hey..." Anyone in our path would be mowed down. Strange.

They may just be friends

2010-02-07T21:59:00.002-05:00

The bf's dog and my cats have been spending more time together. The Fur Snake now retreats to the bedroom windowsill when the dog is over and hisses from up high. If not on the windowsill, then she crawls under the bed and hisses and spits from down there. The dog goes nowhere near her (smart dog).However, my older cat is now choosing to stay curled up on the cushions at the end of my bed. She

Not blank! Real words!

2010-02-05T21:40:00.002-05:00

I'm not incredibly busy, but I'm constantly busy. Last night I slept a blissful 10 hours and still felt like never getting out of bed. Right now it is a Friday night and I so desperately want to go to bed before 10pm, but instead will clean as my landlady may be showing the apartment tomorrow and I need to clean.But here's a list of what I've been up to...1. Planning a wedding. As noted in the

2010-01-29T15:11:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Sis!

2010-01-20T14:14:00.003-05:00

You rock. Finally we can celebrate your birthday as you. And PS, I like you. Am so grateful that after all these years of knowing you, I finally get to know you as your true self.Update: As my parents were in town, we all went out for Indian food last night. Apparently my parents had given her a card that was one of those tasteful but sweet, "To our beloved daughter" cards [and BIG props to my

Shamed by technology

2010-01-14T23:11:00.002-05:00

I have a Wii Fit. I love it because it is shaming me into losing weight. I love it because I step on the balance board and the little bar goes up, up, up the BMI scale until it settles on telling me that I am overweight. At the same time it makes the lovely little Mii icon that I crafted to look like me, get wider proportionately. There is a lot of controversy about the validity of the BMI scale,

What I'm crushing on right now...

2010-01-05T20:04:00.002-05:00

HBO series The Wire. I'm late to the series (as in, it's over), and I'm only on Season 2, but man, what a great show. And I have blogger jkg to thank for the tip. He noted on his blog how good the show was, and I filed that away in my little mind. jkg has great taste - although I will never be converted to watch Lost. I'm completely in love with the portrayal of the two lgbt characters on The

Happy New Year!

2010-01-05T15:32:00.002-05:00

This year sucked for so many people and may the year ahead be much, much better. For me, I hope that positive aspects of 2009 continue. As the first year of my adult life when I haven't contemplated suicide, I think I have to hold 2009 in some sort of esteem.Now, what does bring tears to my eyes [and by that I mean cry my eyes out in disbelief and happiness] about 2010 is that finally, FINALLY,

Happy Birthday to ME

2009-12-28T00:23:00.002-05:00

It's my birthday and I don't have to go to work on account that with Boxing Day having been on a Saturday this year, we get Monday off! Yay!Today (27th) I was so exhausted/run down that apart from a couple of hours mid-morning, I didn't get out of bed until 5pm. I imagine tomorrow will be the same - interrupted only by dinner with my parents and the bf. Love to all!

It's a family thing

2009-12-26T09:05:00.002-05:00

My brother was up for Christmas so we got to talking about yelling at rude fellow patrons in the take-out line. It turns out that he had a story similar to my Starbucks moment [except that he had more success].In this case he had been in a fast-food place and some dude came up to the counter and started screaming at the teenager serving everyone that he was tired of waiting for his fries. My

He wasn't part of Sesame Street

2009-12-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

Does everyone know the Sesame Street song about the people in your neighbourhood (or likely 'neighborhood' since it was an American show)? I even had a book about it. I remember reading about the dentist and the grocer. Or something like that. Anyhow, Sesame Street never mentioned the homeless, and let's face it, the homeless population is a pretty big part of most urban neighbourhoods. And they

Almost a heartwarming moment

2009-12-15T20:49:00.006-05:00

As I am a bit embarrassed to show my face at the Starbucks where I caused a scene the other week, I was having my espresso at a nearby high-end department store a few days back [I was in the store drooling over my perfume which I discovered did in fact make it as my parents' gift to me this year. So happy]. Holy crap I live a shallow life, but back to my meaningful espresso story...I ordered my

Don't get between me and my espresso

2009-12-07T14:52:00.002-05:00

The nearest Starbucks was short-staffed or deficiently staffed today - either way everything was taking a long time. However, it's only coffee. This guy in front of me was being so freaking rude to the woman behind the counter and started barking at her after she gave him his sandwich, "Knife! Knife! I want a knife! Didn't your hear???? KNIFE!" She handed him one and this was followed by "Fork!

World AIDS Day

2009-12-01T13:00:00.002-05:00

My most inspirational job ever was being a librarian/treatment educator for a national HIV organization. I usually only hear about HIV in the news when the tragic stats in Africa are enumerated or when someone is being criminally charged with spreading HIV and is held up as a pariah. However, my experience with the HIV community was meeting the most open-minded, fun, and socially-aware

If your grandmother's name was Maria Immaculata...

2009-11-27T15:39:00.002-05:00

... you have body hair. That's all there is to it. For mine, it was even sprouting out of my nose like some old dude. Gross and I bought one of those hair/nose trimmers in order to rectify the situation.Today however, I discovered that the battery died or something. My trimmers were not working. In desperation, I grabbed my tweezers (used for my unruly eyebrows like normal women have and for my

Quick quiz

2009-11-04T10:23:00.002-05:00

What do all these items have in common?Vegan brownieBreakfast cookieApple Bran muffinVanilla bean sconeApricot sconeEnglish muffin with spinach and eggIf you guesssed "Starbucks items that Susan loved but were sadly discontinued at least in Toronto at the stores she frequents" then you are correct! I give up. There is no Starbucks food item I particularly enjoy now.I've tried the substitutions.

Becoming a dog person

2009-11-03T14:25:00.003-05:00

I am a cat person. I like dogs, as long as they aren't mine. However, my new guy has a dog, and his family has two other dogs. They are all mid-sized dogs too - the smallest is 35 pounds, the largest, maybe 70- so there's no avoiding them. Whenever I go over, I am circled by these barking, fleshy sharks. All of them have wonderfully kind natures so it's not a terror moment, it's just an

And then there are commuters I love...

2009-10-21T12:41:00.003-04:00

I do see - and try to practice - random acts of kindness on the transit system, but as evidenced by yesterday's rant-y post, it's often easier to dwell on those who make a crowded commute quite taxing. And yet, yesterday, still feeling like a psychopath on my way home, I left my gloves and wallet on the subway. I realized as soon as I got home that my wallet was not in my purse, but I figured

Daily irritants - what's your (in)tolerance level?

2009-10-20T12:37:00.002-04:00

Today I work at my office in the north of the city. I don't mind the commute and because I'm going to opposite way from most commuters, I always have a seat. For some reason I am particularly crabby and wanted to scream at the behaviour of two of the people who sat near me. They weren't doing anything wrong per se, they were only annoying to me.The first woman was eating an apple. I really don't

Workplace haiku

2009-10-14T11:43:00.001-04:00

Off to eat lunch now.Will it be pizza again?the foodcourt beckons

Move over Jil, it's all about Tom now

2009-10-09T18:15:00.002-04:00

About once a year I splurge on perfume, or more accurately, a high-end eau de toilette. Jil Sander No. 4 was my signature scent, but then for some unknown reason [no doubt just to torture me...] the fashion house of Jil Sander stopped making it. I reluctantly moved on to another scent by Jil Sander. Not a huge deal because although I preferred No. 4, I did like the new one. It was truly too much

VIA / VIA - I love them both

2009-10-07T12:56:00.003-04:00

VIA Rail is Canada's passenger train service and I love it. I even love calling their 1-800 number and hearing the bilingual message. It's changed now and although still English followed by the option to switch to French, the old one use to say: Welcome to VIA and then would switch to a much deeper male voice saying, "VIa. Bonjour!" Still, I don't care - I don't need a 1-900 number when I have

Anniversaries

2009-09-10T10:20:00.002-04:00

When it was August 22nd this year I kept remembering that I had been in Vegas the year before with great friends, and all I wanted to do was die. Or maybe at that time I had been more struggling to live. I had started my antidepressants and it was kind of my last ditch effort. I look back now and feel so sad that I didn't get my depression properly treated sooner.I don't think though that I knew

This 'n' that

2009-08-31T20:56:00.002-04:00

I thought I'd better post or I'll forget that I ever had a blog. It's been a looooong summer. Not bad, but just long. I'm very excited about September and fall coming. It always gives me more focus and a sense of purpose. Here is the summer summary:1. I survived the bike rally. I'm so happy that I did it, but it was a painful, difficult experience. I was coping with a bad knee at first (fixed

On vacation

2009-07-17T15:06:00.003-04:00

I'm just too lame to blog right now. I'm too lame to even comment. I've read exciting things that you all have been up to - Tornwordo's and Eroswings' travels, Rox's relay against cancer, Patron Saints post-weight loss surgery successes, Stewie changing his blog name (and more amazingly, actually blogging), and so much more - but I have been negligent in putting fingers to keyboard and commenting

The road to [not sure actually]

2009-06-03T07:02:00.002-04:00

I always used to say that I was on the road to ruin [ode to favourite Ramones album] and loving it. But since I've stopped drinking as much, my new road is literal and involves all the endless bike training I'm doing. I decided to try to do both the Saturday and Sunday training rides last week-end. Saturday was a 72km loop that went north of the city, which apparently consists of endless hills.

TGIF!

2009-05-29T18:29:00.002-04:00

I've been out a lot this week, with a wonderful dinner last night with friends. However, I am now exhausted. I have a 7:40am bike ride tomorrow and all I want to do is hide out in my basement bedroom and drink a nice big glass of red wine. I also have some long overdue cards and emails to write. I need my down-time so I'm so ecstatic to be alone right now.The only unpleasant task that awaits me

Family dynamics

2009-05-26T20:41:00.003-04:00

After 40 years on this planet and happily having two older brothers R. and M., I found out earlier this year that I have a sister.At first it was a bit of a shock, but I am so happy now getting to know her. More to the point, I'm so grateful that I have this chance to know her. Well, I guess I've been living with her my whole life so I knew certain aspects about her: I knew she was smart, funny,

Stretched thin

2009-05-24T22:16:00.001-04:00

I wish the title referred to my body, but alas, it is a comment on me and all my friends. Especially the ones with kids - we are all so exhausted. Such is life and I'm spoiled to be able to keep going off on solitary bike journeys, but ah, life starts disappearing quickly.

Lasting learnings

2009-05-22T07:33:00.002-04:00

I think I would be completely demoralized working in the atmosphere that I do if it hadn't been for my previous job and my gay, sex-positive office. I adore my current coworkers and they are not close-minded. Not at all. What they are is straight.Okay, I am too admittedly - but I realize how much more I preferred the openness of the queer culture I worked in. People there celebrated sex, desire,

Recovery methods

2009-05-19T22:29:00.004-04:00

After the date was cancelled, I went to a party I had been invited to earlier in the week (but had declined due to planning for the date). It was great to be out and meet new people, and I got to spend some quality time