the mIssing kink

One thing that pregnancy has done is zapped my libido. By the end of the day I have no energy, and I'm often somewhat queasy so that doesn't make for a great sex drive. Also, because during the first trimester I had a good deal of spotting and bleeding (apparently quite common, but also quite alarming), this left penetration off the menu. Or at least vaginal penetration, but the lack of energy and nausea negated other choices too.

What I did continue for the first bit of my pregnancy were my weekly bondage lessons. I am trying to improve my rope skills so my rope top would come over once a week and I'd practice my knots. Sometimes TM was there too. Not really participating, but just absorbed in surfing the net while my rope top bound my feet and hands. [as an aside, this is a huge part that makes me adore TM. His kink metre isn't quite as high as mine, but My rope top and I are fully dressed and having a grand old time working on ties and TM respects that as much as he respects my love of snowboarding. Besides, he knows that ultimately he can be the beneficiary of any skills I learn].

And then my old friend fatigue kicked in and my weekly lessons stopped. Recently though I've begun to panic thinking that if I don't have lessons now, I certainly won't have energy for them once the baby arrives. This is also my panic about kink and sex in general. I have hence decided that whatever energy I have left at the end of the day, it will go to at least massaging TM. I need to 'use it or lose it' when it comes to a sex drive. So ironic that when I was single I made a lot of effort to go out and seek partners and experiences and now that I have a source here all the time, I'm asleep.

I know... welcome to marriage! welcome to pregnancy! the rest of you are saying...

Starting the day like a frat boy

Yesterday I took my prenatal vitamin and iron supplement with a glass of juice but didn't have time to eat. I decided I would grab breakfast at work. In retrospect a bad idea since vitamins + empty stomach = queasiness. This is without the added joy of pregnancy nausea.

I started to feel queasy on the streetcar ride, and by the time I descended into the subway entrance, I knew I was going to throw up. The TTC has three trash cans always joined in a row. Two are for recycling, and the third is for trash. I was moving down the row of cans mentally ticking off, "recycling...recycling...TRASH!". I leaned over the TTC trash can and started retching and couldn't seem to stop.

People weren't stopping but I didn't expect them too. I wasn't in particular distress. I was just vomiting into the garbage. However, one nice man did stop and ask if I were okay and ask if I needed water or something. In between retches I managed to turn my head and assure him with a hasty - just pregnant - before returning to retching. Moments later I gathered my composure and thanked him for his concern. Anyhow, thank you random guy, it was extremely kind of you to stop and offer help.

My barfing done, I felt fine and got on the subway to continue my journey to work. And I did indeed have a bagel when I arrived at the office.

Slogging onward

I've come to the conclusion that I have a cold. I figured I was feeling crappy just due to pregnancy crappiness, but sore throat and being a snot factory seems to indicate otherwise. Meanwhile my appetite has kicked into high gear and I need to stock up on healthier food. I will not be at a healthy pregnancy weight at all if I continue my current carb craze. At least it's weekdays again where I tend to eat better. I bring fruit to work and snacks like hummus - it just seems that on week-ends comfort food like grilled cheese beckon.

Condoms work! and other news

Rox and I are the same age, but she is preparing to be a grandmother, and I'm on my way to experiencing motherhood. I think she timed it better, but each person's life works on it's own schedule and I'm just accepting that my moniker Snooze will be but a distant memory six months from now (touch wood that all goes well!).

Getting pregnant did make me realize how well condoms work. I've never been on the pill except for a brief 4 months when I was much, much younger. Sometimes I wondered if I was infertile all along and my choice of condoms only worked because I couldn't get pregnant. Yet, here I am in my 40s and after a few unsuccessful tries, TM and I are looking forward to becoming parents.

So there you have it. Slight queasiness, complete fatigue, and a whole bunch of worry and I have had little will to blog in the past three months. I'm feeling stronger now though. Keep fingers and toes crossed for me!

Not your legs though. I would never ask anyone to keep their legs together. Obviously I didn't.

Chicken balls aren't authentic?

My family were always adventurous eaters and we sought out cuisine from around the world. But let's face it, unless you have someone who is highly familiar with a given cuisine, you are going to have trouble piecing a proper meal together. This was the case with my family and Chinese food.

Oh sure, it's not like we thought that giant egg rolls or chow mein were authentic, but we felt we were doing quite well with our lemon chicken. However, since having the joy of eating with TM and his family who LOVE to eat (like my family), we have learned so much more.

We now not only know they types of dumplings to select, but we know what dipping sauce goes with each. I order my favourite curdled tofu soup and dip the bread sticks in. I happily eat my way through hot pot. Gone are the days of thinking that chicken in black bean sauce was as authentic as I could get (although I cannot stomach chicken feet yet).

It made me realize how far I'd come in my Chinese cuisine knowledge when TM and I went out for a meal with my sister and nieces. My sister ordered General Tsao chicken. We couldn't finish the vast amount of food we had ordered, so we took the leftover chicken home. My sister can't stand leftovers - we have no such dislike. However, TM had never had General Tsao chicken in his life. It was so caramelized and he kept laughing asking, "Is this what caucasians eat as Chinese food?" And all I could think was, "well, yeah..." Here I had thought that that was one of the more 'authentic' dishes.