Highs and Lows

I have taken this week off to try and get on top of things at home. Or rather, to dig out from under the mess of laundry, outstanding cards to write, etc. It's not relaxing at all, but it will help with my stress level considerably if I can knock some things off my to-do list. I don't have the energy or desire to do enough after work, and TM doesn't either.

One big happy event of the week is that my neighbour was silent. There were enough complaints that he was sent a letter from property management detailing how for every subsequent noise complaint the owner would be fined $500. Whether or not dude is the owner of the condo and decided not to pay $500 every time he came home drunk or he is in fact renting and the owner called him and stated that he had better not get a noise complaint I don't know. But either way, the week-end was silent.

I also had a very very lengthy ultrasound where it seems that little ALF is developing just fine. However, much to my shame I had a meltdown in the waiting room while waiting - what else?- for the results. I had thought the ultrasound was going to take 20 minutes but instead it took an hour and a half and I was out of my mind with hunger. Anyhow, I told the receptionist that I wasn't waiting anymore and left with TM in tow having to listen to me rant away.

I ended up grabbing something to eat, and then going back upstairs and apologizing to the front desk person. Not that I was screaming or abusive to her, but I was crabby and as if front line people don't get enough of that. Anyhow, my results were fine. TM and I opted not to know the sex. It's just easier for me and my paranoia if I don't start talking to my little fetus as an actual person with one of the names we've chosen. Better to pat my alarming fat stomach and say, "Hello little ALF".

Meanwhile I think I'm all prepared for motherhood as the dog has puked/peeed on our bed for about five days in a row. We have started trying to shut her out of the room, but as our bedroom has no door (loft-type condo), it's not that easy to do. As such, I think I'm all ready for poop and pee and no sleep. Still in complete denial about having to breast feed though. Ah well, I have over four months to mentally prepare myself.

Please no. Not now. Not again

Sometimes I read my old blog posts and I realize how bad my depression got. It's difficult to explain to people who don't live with depression how ruthless it is. It's not like my whole life was a sad moment - truly there were some things about untreated depression that I miss - the sense of nihilism and adventure and focus to name a few. Yet, last night I was thinking that I haven't thought of suicide in over a year.

It's not because I got married - although I do find TM to be a great source of support - it's more that I got married/settled because with the proper treatment I was finally able to tone down the crazy. Again, crazy is fun, it really, really is. However, after a while, like a drug addiction, it takes too much out of you, and moreover, out of those around you.

Anyhow, this is my way of saying that I am having the crappiest day I've had in ages. It started over an early morning confrontation I had with party boy neighbour (yes, I banged on his door at 8am and woke him up, just like his music woke TM and I up at 3am and kept us up until 4:30am). He's so selfish. Not a surprise, but I'm so upset now. I regret it and worry that he will hurt my cats. No, he didn't threaten that, but I worry about someone who to me is a sociopath.

Ah well, at least I'm not suicidal. I suppose that's progress. I can handle a day of sadness and tears.

PS Why *is* it that I've met so many transgendered folk or people living with HIV who are gentle souls and just want to live their lives and yet get persecuted by society, but fucking arsehole white boy is a selfish dick to everyone around him and lives a charmed life?

Lest we forget... to go shopping???

I came home from work today sick and spent the whole afternoon conked out in bed. I hope to go to the Remembrance Day ceremony tomorrow at the parliament building, but I'll see what shape I'm in. Regardless, I will observe the minute of silence and follow a ceremony on tv if I don't feel well enough to leave the house.

I'll tell you what I won't be doing to honour those who have served and who are serving now: I won't be attending the Remembrance Day sale at Eddie Bauer. What the fuck? How on earth can a chain possibly think that a day meant to commemorate those who served their country is a good time for a sale? Add them to my boycott list.

TM and I saw an equally ludicrous ad for Macy's Veteran's Day sale in the US. You know, maybe devout Christians feel the same way about Christmas sales, but this has just crossed a big line for me. Even if the stores donated some from their sales to veterans, it's so incomprehensibly gross to think of this day becoming another day to shop.

My Christmas/Birthday gift

Early, but it's my new bike helmet. I am so in love with it. Can't wait until I give birth and can bike again! [albeit with a trailer attached]

The scent of a woman

I was reading a debate over bathing habits: http://www.metafilter.com/97262/au-naturel

It seems that many people are shocked and appalled to discover that some people don't shower every single fucking day of life. What's funny is that the article makes it perfectly clear that except for a few people who are somehow embracing their natural odour, that the people profiled are still indulging in some form of personal hygiene. They shampoo once in a while. They tend to wash the stinky bits with soap and a washcloth. They skip deodorant if it isn't needed. Put me in this camp.

I can't be bothered showering every day and certainly my legs and elbows don't need it. The other bits need a wash, but that doesn't mean full-body immersion. My morning routine is to get up and leave to get my morning espresso and give the dog a walk. I also let the cats out at that time. When I return I feed all animals and myself and ALF, and then get ready for work. I don't need a shower to wake up. TM on the other hand, needs a long, hot shower in the morning (and admittedly, he does smell better than me. Not that I stink, I just don't have that 'freshly showered' smell).

When I switched to natural deodorant I also found that I didn't need it every day. I've run out though as there is only one natural type that works for me and now that I've succumbed to Secret again, I need to wear it daily. I also stopped washing my hair much. I wash it about twice a week and that has finally gotten rid of the rat's nest dry hair I've had my whole life. My feet stink but even with washing and rotating footwear it's an issue I have to watch out for, so it's not like I'm clueless to when I have odour issues.

I definitely change socks and undies every day, and I don't sleep with undies on so that everything airs out (I find it so weird when people sleep in their underwear. Barf). It reminds me of another article I read where some guy was complaining that his girlfriend would wear her bra more than once. I couldn't believe the number of people who wrote in to say that they wash their bras after 3 wearings. Fuck, I wash mine after 3 months. They are in decent rotation and again, don't smell.

Of course if I'm working out or having a ton of sex that the washing routine goes on a different schedule, but otherwise, I'm fine with my methods. What are the routines of the rest of you?

The annual complaint

I like Canadian Thanksgiving being low-key and in October. That said, it's days like today that I almost wish that we shared the November American Thanksgiving, for no other reason than the fact that Christmas wouldn't be the only major holiday looming after Hallowe'en.

I walked into my neighbourhood Starbucks today and realized that Santa and his elves had barfed up decorations all over the store last night. As much as I like to partake in a seasonal peppermint mocha (tall, two-pump, decaf, non-fat, non-whip, extra hot, hold the sprinkles...) - it's November 2nd. I'm going to be so sick of Christmas by the time it's Christmas.

At least they weren't playing Christmas carols yet. I mean, it's Diwali on Friday. Can't we put up a few decorations for that instead?