It's your last day on earth...

... wouldn't it be kind of nice to sleep in, make yourself a nice cup of tea, and *then* hurl yourself in front of a subway train? Why on earth would you get up for rush hour and do so?

Is it a control thing? Is your last thought, "I'm going to die but in doing so I'm going to make these people late for work." I hate to disappoint you, but it's not that big a statement to make. By now we take subway delays in stride. Your suicide is up there with "the signals aren't working" or "somebody has pressed the security alarm".


Is it a last-minute decision? Were you watching the train pull in and suddenly thought, "Not. one. more. meeting." If so, I can kind of relate.

Do you get off on witnesses? I'm sure you have traumatized many. Others will just see you as a great story for their friends.

I always think it's someone's right to kill themselves. I've thought of it myself many times. But please - show some class. Be discreet and choose a less annoying method.

Let it pour

The other night I was at a party a few streets over from where I live. I was somewhat tired so I left around ten. No sooner did I leave than what was a light rain shower became some sort of torrential downpour. Of course this would be the night I decided to wear nothing under my dress (which thankfully was not white and had a light layer over a sheath so it wasn't obscene either). But it still wasn't looking appropriate the more soaked I became and as the main street near where I live is a little dodgy at night, I chose to run along a back alley to my house.

I wasn't in any danger, but I couldn't help but get paranoid. All those stupid Internet stories you hear and all the tv shows which show serial killers lurking in every doorway. At one point I was sheltered under some eaves trying to wait out the worst of the storm and was thinking, "If someone grabs me, no one is around to see a thing" Statistically I am far likely to be a victim of violence from a guy I'm dating, but you know, the mind spins. It turned out that the only creature lying in wait for me was Fur who had refused to come inside earlier and was meowing pitifully on the neighbour's porch. I had to scoop her up and carry her over a puddle in order to get to my entrance. God forbid her delicate paws got wet.

But the most amazing part of the rain ordeal was that when I finally got inside and squelched downstairs to the bathroom, peeled off the soaked dress and towel-dried my dripping hair, I noted that my eye shadow had stayed on perfectly. Hurrah for Smashbox! I looked like I was in a movie. I always stare at women in slasher flicks or rain/beach scenes where they are running around getting soaked or murdered yet still have perfect make-up (perhaps some mascara running). I used to think, "Oh give me a break. As if the make-up would last". But no more. I am a believer. Those slasher victims must have discovered Smashbox before me.

Typos in resumes

These are always held up as the worst thing you can do. Horrific grammar mistakes bother me, but there's no way I'm going to overlook a qualified candidate because they made a typing mistake. I remember one resume I received. I believe we had mentioned that the job involved giving presentations to staff. The cover letter assured me that the candidate was used to "resenting information". I laughed my ass off. What could be better for a library position? And then I interviewed the person.