Recovery methods

After the date was cancelled, I went to a party I had been invited to earlier in the week (but had declined due to planning for the date). It was great to be out and meet new people, and I got to spend some quality time

underneath with the host.

2 Live Crew - Part II

Okay, because I don't want the whiny post as the first thing on this page, here's part II to my love of 2 Live Crew.

I love them because unlike the sappy crap I had to listen to in high school (OMD from the Pretty in Pink soundtrack - I liked Enola Gay) or Cat Stevens with "Wild World" and which were seen as love songs, 2 Live Crew was an in your face celebration of raw sexuality. There were no vomit-provoking hiddenly misogynistic lines like, "I'll always remember you like a child, girl" or worse, "If you want to leave take good care, there's a lot of bad things out there..." Oh fuck off! Being trapped in a house with some over-protective neandertal would be worse. BARF BARF BARF.

I did hear some better things in high school like the stunning Annie Lennox of my hero George Michael, but to me, most mainstream love songs demean and trivialize a woman's spirit. Even great sexy songs like NIN's Closer are a bit sappy. But not 2 Live Crew. If you overlook the fact that they show no respect for the hoochie mamas they are singing about [and admittedly - lines like "I've got a good woman but I need a whore"* don't really celebrate female sexuality...] - these are excellent sex lines. They're fucking! They're sucking! They're in your face and up your ass. Yum. This is sex.

*I just pretend that they're singing, "I've got a good woman 'cause she's a whore". That's all I want. Some guy who loves a woman raw and sexual. Not as a piece of ass on the side, but as his woman. And as close as I can find this ideal in song lyrics, I need to turn to 2 Live Crew.

Learning and moving on

I have gone through ups and downs with exes and had some pretty nasty break-ups, but I harbour them no ill will. They are all in my heart in some way. There is no guarantee of a relationship working and I'm no prize, but at least in the four LTRs I've had, we tried. We called it a relationship. We were couples. Then we weren't. It happens. Not to say I wasn't devastated by last summer's break-up. That break-up coinciding with my complete break-down has likely left me damaged beyond repair, but again, at least we tried. It's certainly not his fault that I had severe and untreated depression.

On the other hand, recently I've re-evaluated two friendships with people who meant a lot to me. The first was with someone I used to date. Seeing him now with someone new and how he takes her out in public, I realize how invisible he kept me during our time together. It played hell on my psyche but did teach me the lesson that I am not willing to be kept like some canned good in case of emergency.

I learned a lot from that experience.

Indeed, today I overreacted to a situation, and completely pissed my date off, causing him to cancel our evening plans. Fair enough, and I can take the blame for that and accept the consequences. But what made me decide that I'm just not that into working things out was his insistence on describing me as a friend. After just over a month of dating, I don't expect to be his girlfriend, but I am not wasting one more second with some guy who can't admit that he's dating me.

Or does he make-out with all his friends during movies and plan date-like activities with them? [lol - he probably does - but unlike last experience, I'm not going to listen to arguments that I'm too close-minded to handle that. I learned from Rob that I'm fine with open relationships - I just need to be the main event]

The best part though is that these two experiences have taught me that for all my faults, and there are many, intimacy isn't one of them. I am able to love and am willing to let things grow without putting restrictions and labels on every move. As for today's break-up, I would actually love to be this guy's friend. We've only dated briefly so I think a fun friendship can be salvaged out of this. That friendship though will not involve kisses, vistis, or any form of PDAs beyond a friendly peck on the cheek. This woman is saving her lips for a guy who can use his to announce [to other people] that he's dating me.

More to the point, there's someone else I've been spending time with, and I can't yet tell if it ever will be more than friendship, but as long as I stay with my 'good friend' [which I was more than happy to do when I thought we were dating], I'll never find out.