Anniversaries

When it was August 22nd this year I kept remembering that I had been in Vegas the year before with great friends, and all I wanted to do was die. Or maybe at that time I had been more struggling to live. I had started my antidepressants and it was kind of my last ditch effort. I look back now and feel so sad that I didn't get my depression properly treated sooner.

I don't think though that I knew any other way to be, and of course, I've had such happy crazy times too. For me depression was like being in a completely abusive relationship: you just don't know how else to be, and you tend to focus on when times are good.

So I'm into September now. It's been a year since I started to feel better. I no longer dream of dying. I am fine at work. [One horrid sobbing incident at work convinced me that I needed to get help - I had ALWAYS been able to function well at work but even that ability was beyond me last summer]. One of the best decisions I ever made was to go in the bike rally. Despite all the pain, that level of exercise is what I need to keep my mind functioning. Perhaps 100km a day isn't realistic, but I need to keep doing at least a 50km ride on week-ends and some form of aerobics each day.

As I am at work, I'll end this post now. I'm in an odd mood, but then again, that's not odd for me! Love to everyone.

This 'n' that

I thought I'd better post or I'll forget that I ever had a blog. It's been a looooong summer. Not bad, but just long. I'm very excited about September and fall coming. It always gives me more focus and a sense of purpose. Here is the summer summary:

1. I survived the bike rally. I'm so happy that I did it, but it was a painful, difficult experience. I was coping with a bad knee at first (fixed with a combo of physio and a kick-ass massage), and then unbelievable chafing. No details there except to say that I felt like my bike seat was covered in broken glass. The final day I finally rode pain-free and got the hang of biking.

2. My sister is now transitioned and is living life to her fullest. Everyone finally seems to have adjusted/accepted the change - especially the kids who immediately corrected me when I [out of habit] once said, "Go ask your dad". 

3. I am dating. He was my bike buddy who I met at a mutual friend's brunch and who then helped me train on Tuesdays. He came to pick me up in Montreal after the rally and we became more than bike buddies. And so it goes. All good though. Really good.

 

On vacation

I'm just too lame to blog right now. I'm too lame to even comment. I've read exciting things that you all have been up to - Tornwordo's and Eroswings' travels, Rox's relay against cancer, Patron Saints post-weight loss surgery successes, Stewie changing his blog name (and more amazingly, actually blogging), and so much more - but I have been negligent in putting fingers to keyboard and commenting on these great posts. I haven't even linked up the new Matt Swift music blog yet. I know this won't change until at least after my bike ride (assuming I'm fit to do it - my back is in pain and I'm in physio). Hence, I'll reconnect with everyone sometime in August.