Workplace haiku

Off to eat lunch now.
Will it be pizza again?
the foodcourt beckons

Move over Jil, it's all about Tom now

About once a year I splurge on perfume, or more accurately, a high-end eau de toilette. Jil Sander No. 4 was my signature scent, but then for some unknown reason [no doubt just to torture me...] the fashion house of Jil Sander stopped making it. I reluctantly moved on to another scent by Jil Sander. Not a huge deal because although I preferred No. 4, I did like the new one. It was truly too much though when I went by local high end department store to get a new bottle and was told that Jil Sander no longer is selling perfume in Canada.

WTF? I felt personally attacked. I tried to keep my emotions in check by reminding myself that half the world doesn't have clean water let alone the luxury of buying perfume, but I really was at a loss. I stared at all the other lotions and potions but mainly kept walking around the space as if Jil Sander perfume was going to magically appear and I would be able to tell the lady, "You're WRONG. Here it is!" [and of course I followed this up by devouring the info on the Jil Sander site].

Fast forward a couple of weeks and I am cutting through same high-end department store en route to the mall below to find lunch. I was wearing a fabulous hat and huge sunglasses and all the store assistants were offering to help me in the mistake that I had the income to regularly shop there. Yet one of the people who asked me if I needed help was a hot as hades man staffing the Tom Ford perfume section. I thought that were worse ways to pass the lunch hour. As such I spent the next few minutes sniffing and sampling and yes, inadvertently I found my new scent. Nevermind that I can't actually afford to buy it - I have asked for it as a combined Christmas/birthday gift.

I left the store with it sprayed on my wrists and at one point was standing waiting to cross the street when I thought, "Dayum something smells good". This was followed by the realization that *I* smelled good! I was turning myself on. I wanted to have sex with me. Not as in self love. I mean, I actually wanted to clone myself and have sex with me. I felt so gorgeous. It was a weird out of body experience where I couldn't stop thinking, "This person. This woman with that scent. She must be some amazingly erotic creature"

If I don't receive it as a gift, I will eat lentils and brown rice for a month just so I can buy a bottle. Life is too short not to smell nice.

Now if only I could find a solution for my ever-growing disgusting minge. My waxer sold her business and went back to Colombia. I'm happy for her but I need to avoid sex, PAP smears, and all other naked moments until I get some good grooming again. When I do, I'll lie around wearing nothing but my new perfume.

VIA / VIA - I love them both

VIA Rail is Canada's passenger train service and I love it. I even love calling their 1-800 number and hearing the bilingual message. It's changed now and although still English followed by the option to switch to French, the old one use to say: Welcome to VIA and then would switch to a much deeper male voice saying, "VIa. Bonjour!" Still, I don't care - I don't need a 1-900 number when I have the VIA 1-800 recorded voice.

But today I am referring to Starbuck's new instant coffee VIA. I had no interest in trying it but yesterday when I was getting my daily espresso the staff begged me to buy a VIA three pack [I guess sales weren't going as well]. Because I love, love, love the staff at this particular Starbuck's, I grudgingly gave in. I bitched about it all the way back to the office but today, I felt that I should at least try it.

Not bad at all! In fact - good. WAY better than the disgusting crap sold as coffee in Tim Hortons (will never, ever understand why Canadians are so attached to that crap. So embarassed that they are now opening outlets in Manhattan. Barf).

I bought more today. At my other office where I work three days a week, I feel no attachment to any of the nearby coffee shops. Even the Starbucks near that office doesn't have the same joy and ambiance of the one near this office. As such, I think I'm actually going to drink *gasp* the instant coffee when I'm down there. Not to mention that VIA can make the hell otherwise known as camping more tolerable if I am forced to endure that again. Travelling too. Or the horrors of meeting or office coffee. Really, the possibilities are endless.

Go VIA!!!!