Monday, December 19, 2011

Body image



Ah yes, the photo above seems to show what everyone believes women see when they look in the mirror. That seems to 1980s to me though as nowadays I think that many people have my issue - I've gained weight but still see the 'thin' me when I look in the mirror. Really. So reverse the above pic and you have more the Snooze perception.

Rationally I know I've gained weight and no, I'm not doing much to lose it. I have a two kilometre route every morning which I take to get my espresso and take the dog to the park for socialization with the other little doggies, and yes, I don't load up on junk food or fried food, but it's not like I'm keeping a food diary or doing enough cardio/weight training. Yet, I still think of myself as a thin person. And somehow I think that everyone else sees me as a thin person too. Because I was thin. Never skinny, and never following some weird diet. I was just active and paid attention to what I ate. And then I didn't. And I gained. And gained. I eventually stopped the increase, but I've never gotten back to what would be a healthier and more flattering size for me.

I'm not completely delusional. Unlike some of the people I see wandering the streets of Toronto* I do understand that stretch pants are a privilege, not a right, and that even if I could still squeeze into the bikini I had in high school, there is no need to ever appear in public in it. *here I'm referring to people who really should have some idea of what flatters them - not the city's marginalized people who are too busy worrying about where to get their next fix/meal to care what the rest of us think of their 'ensemble'

However, it's when I see photos from events that I am caught reeling by how much larger I am in reality.  We went to a wedding over the summer and I tried to get together a decent outfit. By the end I thought that I looked quite good. Not amazing, but good. Then we saw photos from the event... I felt like "Who attached that large leg to my shoulder?" Seriously, I couldn't believe that was my arm. Not to mention that the pearl choker I had added served only to completely hide my neck and morph my face into some completely round doughy thing (and add to that a greasy sheen all over it). I was suddenly in the biggest funk of ages.

Of course I later noticed that even my so-not-overweight sister-in-law looked a little chunky in some of the photos so I realized a lot had to do with what a I wore and my pose in the photos but sheesh, again, I am just surprised sometimes when I realize that I actually am overweight and am no longer a thin person. To clarify, I'm not obese and I also don't consider that extra weight is unattractive or anything like that, just that the photo above made me think that many of us are delusional in the reverse. My favourite is when people tell me not to worry because "you just had a baby". ???? Okay, first of all I had a 2-pound baby 10 months ago, and secondly, I am *below* my pre-pregnancy weight. And to clarify, these people are not being assholes. I laugh my ass off everytime I get a comment like that and think, "holy crap, I look like I just gave birth? WTF?"

I think that I either need to up my exercise routine and pay more attention to my diet, or just face facts that I am never going to be a thin girl again.


[and again, I feel obliged to clarify that the weight I would like to be is still 20 pounds over my high school perfectly-fine weight in case people think I'm unrealistic or going all anorexic]



4 comments:

tornwordo said...

I gained a bunch of weight when I quit smoking. Thought that was the end of it. But the app Lose it! really helped me lose it. It was kind of like a game, trying to come in under my calorie budget every day without denying myself too too much.

Rox said...

You know, I recently lost about 12 pounds. Not much, but on someone who is only five foot 2, it's lots. Anyway, how I did it? Started eating on smaller plates.

I mean, in the summer with Molly, I was walking and then I progressed to this cerebral palsy-ish running thing, and I think that kick started my metabolism. But the thing that really seems to be helping me is the smaller plates. Go buy yourself a pretty, smaller plate and eat all your meals on it. I swear it will make a difference!

I saw pictures of myself in Vegas and about died! The 12 pounds was right around my middle. Ugh. It's mostly gone now, but I have a feeling that after Christmas, I may have to go buy a saucer. LOL!!!!

Snooze said...

Torn: Okay, I signed up for Lose it! I think if I had a smart phone I would use it more, but I'm going to try.

Rox: I already eat on smaller plates. It definitely does help!

Congrats to both of you of getting into shape! Like I said, I need to kick it up a notch. you've inspired me.

eroswings said...

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Feliz Navidad, Snooze and family!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I hope that you all are safe, warm, and cozy this holiday season. May the new year bring you much laughter, much joy, much peace and good fortune!