Thursday, February 26, 2009

The joys of crossing the border

Coming back from my recent trip, I was in line at customs. When I approached the customs dude, he smiled and asked if I'd had a nice trip. Then he asked, "So were you just on the flight from Wyoming?" I stared at him, but figured they had some indication of what flights had arrived. He followed that question with, "Recognize me?"

He looked vaguely familiar. I wondered if we'd been to kindergarten together or something like that.

Then he said - "I was in the hot tub with you two nights ago!"

Indeed he had been.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Sex toys

I got a $100 gift certificate to my favourite sex store in town. Give me your suggestions. I already own the Hitachi magic wand. What do you enjoy? They can be solo toys, partner focussed toys, porn, or how-to guides (and oh how I need some of those!). Also boys, straight and gay, I'm curious as to what toys you enjoy. I find that guys like the right toys used on them, but I need a bit of guidance.

I am not interested in candles, condoms, or massage oils, except I would be interested in knowing what a good handjob brand is (you know, those special stroke potions that may be detrimental to a condom, but work just great otherwise). In general, what are your favourite lubes?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Best purchase ever

I had stopped listening to my iPod. I had it cranked up so loudly on the subway that I felt like I was destroying my hearing, but I couldn't hear the music well anyhow. Last week I made a snap purchase in a store and bought noise cancelling headphones. Now I can listen to my music at a low volume, even when walking near traffic or while sitting on the subway. This is one of the best investments I've ever made.

Just before I paid for the headphones, I made another complete snap purchase at the store and bought a Macbook [or whatever it's called]. I don't have it connected to the Internet and have figured out absolutely none of the programs [or even cared to try so far]. Yet it has already served its purpose: the porn I bought last March and which wouldn't play on my DVD player due it being set for Europe, plays just fine on my new laptop.

Why I don't get to babysit

Last night I went to a friend's house for a belated Chinese New Year celebration. Every year her family hosts this event and it's so much fun. Moreover, I know this friend from high school and she has kept in touch with some people I haven't, so it's also like a mini-reunion. Anyhow, there was one couple there who she knew from university, not from high school. Our high school group were going through old yearbooks (something I would rather not do), so this couple were just sitting to the side and I went to talk to them. They were a great couple, and they had the absolutely cutest 4 year-old boy. He never said a thing - but he was all smiles and contentedly sitting in the next room watching tv.

At one point I sat next to him and he and I bonded when he started jumping on the couch next to me and I kept picking him up and tossing him onto the couch. Later when we were all sitting again as a group, he stood in front of me and started pressing on my belly. A game I play with my oldest niece is that when she presses on my belly, I pretend to vomit on her. Then after a while we decide who I'm going to projectile vomit on. I decided to play the game with this kid.

He was right into it. It started with me saying, "If you keep pressing my belly, I'm going to vomit on you." Of course he did it again and I made suitable barfing noises. The I would say, "Shall we vomit on Jillian?" [who was sitting next to me]. He would press my tummy and I would turn my head and pretend to barf on Jillian. And so on and so forth. We were having a blast [and were discreet enough believe it or not that everyone else could continue with their conversations] until I said, "And shall I barf on your daddy?"

I that point his father clued into the game and came up to his son and said, "You do not press on a woman's tummy!" His father wasn't yelling or angry, but clearly the game was at an end. Then he looked at me and said, "He's at an age where he's figuring about body parts and everything is about poo or snot." And I thought, "But that's fun!" [not to mention that I was the one making the puking sounds]. Then I felt bad - I suppose I shouldn't have encouraged the kid to feel he could poke strangers, but I figured as long as he wasn't grabbing my boobs, it was no big deal.

All was well though. Undeterred the boy moved on to marching back and forth in front of us with exaggerated arm and leg motions - very soldier like. That game seemed to cause no issues. I'll just have to keep my special vomiting game reserved for my nieces.

Monday, February 16, 2009

How I spent Valentines Day

My snowboarding buddy captured these action shots of me on the slopes. Note that despite 4 days of snowboarding at Jackson Hole which included three days of lessons, I am still on the beginner slopes. However, I now attack the hill with confidence and make awesome turns. Let's all just overlook how dorky my helmet is. I will get a new one at end of season.

It was such a wonderful day: bright, sunny, and full of fresh air and exercise. Also our group had a little apres-ski gathering so it was fun to catch up with others.

I remember last Valentines Day when Rob and I got completely drunk with a friend of mine, and then Rob and I went back to his place and had the most debauched, wild, drunken sex. It was a blast. I was worried that V-Day was going to hit me badly this year.

It didn't.

Two of my coworkers were planning big Valentine's celebrations this year: one is a newlywed and the other is getting married in June. I was so happy for them and suggested ideas for them. It in no way made me feel bitter or sad. Relationships have so many ups and downs - I was happy that they were enjoying the happy moments. At the same time, I know several friends who are in relationships which are either ending or in troubled times. My heart went out to them as even knowing that V-day is a commercial fabrication, you can't help but feel sad if your relationship isn't going well on the 14th.

The only time I began to feel weird was when a friend invited to a fun massage workshop event he was hosting. At that point I did feel like that would be too much for me - surrounded mainly by couples and having to pay someone to massage me on Valentines when last year I had so much 'touch' with someone I loved. I also wasn't sure who would be there and I don't like strangers touching me at all. If I were dating someone right now, it would have been ideal, but I thought the last thing I [or anyone else at the event needed] was to burst into tears at a party. Especially not when I otherwise was feeling great. It was at that point that I suddenly decided to take control of the situation and plan to do something I loved. That's where the snowboarding came in. I think I have finally found a group where I feel like I belong.

So, I hope that no one was down this past Valentines. If you are in a relationship and enjoying it, I hope that despite the 14th being a cheesy holiday, that you had fun together or just went for the fun of having a holiday where you can enjoy being a complete romantic sap! If you're in a bad patch or in a relationship that's ending, please don't make more of the day than is necessary. Don't feel pressured to be loving, but do remember to try and be kind to those around you - even an ex. And for those of you who like me are single, I do hope you didn't feel lonely.

Much love to everyone who reads this and contributes - you have given me so much strength virtually and on down days when getting out and interacting in real life was beyond me.