Thursday, April 19, 2007

too lazy to post

So read this hilarious account of jkg's first porno instead. I still can't quite picture fucking a tomato. I'll have to go out and rent some porn. The stuff I've viewed pales in comparison.

And speaking of porn - I was discussing with a coworker yesterday about the first Penthouse Forum Letters that I ever bought. You know, where every letter starts, "I can't believe this happened to me..." I remembered one about some guy who was on a roller coaster and he stated that just before the ride started he pulled his girlfriend in front of him, lowered her onto his dick, and rode her the whole time he was riding the roller coaster. Um, yes. I realize the letters are made up, but come on. Obviously the guy had never ridden a roller coaster (or a woman). Even on kiddie coasters you have safety bars. There's no moving a woman on top of you. Even the guy who was masturbating while reading a stack of porn when his hot next door neighbour stopped by and offered to help him get off was more believable.

13 comments:

-jkg said...

oh man - lately, those penthouse forum letters have been in the back of my head, lurking around in my wit, waiting for just the right moment for an awesome comeback or joke.

i dont know when its going to happen, or how its going go down, but at some point, very soon, someone is going to say the perfect thing for me to burst out in response:

"dear penthouse forum..."

and its going to be HILARIOUS.

man, i cant wait.

madamerouge said...

I always scanned the mag for the man-on-man action letters. Your best bet of finding those are in issues from the late '70s / very early '80s.

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

ha ha ha ha very good!

Susan as herself said...

I believe doing a tomato would rather burn. All that high acid content, you know.

UNless that was part of the pleasure... Hmmmmmmm.

St. Dickeybird said...

Wouldn't it fall apart? Maybe I should give it a try, for science's sake of course...

Dantallion said...

It might be fun to try the rollercoaster thing - just to disprove the letter once and for all, of course.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I imagine it must have been a beef tomato - something with a bit of size and rigidity...

Eewww. Actually, I don't want to imagine that at all.

tornwordo said...

Those letters are so funny even though you know they're made up. Can I use this lazy excuse too? It's 20 degrees and I'm at my computer. That's just wrong.

Snooze said...

Jon: That would be hilarious. I think i'm going to try that myself.

MadameR: The 80s were much wilder in the letters section.

WoW: :)

Susan: I think there's a fetish for everything

StD: You are so noble giving your body up for science.

Dantallion: I'm going to have to pretend I don't know you when the news item "Man banned from La Ronder for trying to have sex on the kiddie coaster" airs.

IDV: Yeah. Thanks for the image [rubs eyes in horror]

Torn: Laziness is not an excuse. It's a valid reason. Sheesh.

Tickersoid said...

I'm having the same problem trying to imagine someone having sex with a tomatoe, as I am tyring to imagine someone having sex on a roller coaster.
It's the details. Just can't see it.
The only detail I've got is him putting it back in the fridge as if nothing had happened. After a short pause, the tomatoe responds to the cucumbers chilly stare and says,
"What? You've no right to be all judgemental on me!"

Snooze said...

lol - man, I love your imagination

Stewie said...

Holy hell, how did I miss this.

Best sex (kinda) I've seen on a coaster was in Fear with Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon.

What they did is pretty feasible and extremely f'ing hot.

And, you probably aren't going to believe this, but it happened to me. You can read about it in next month's penthouse.

Snooze said...

First, I'll have to rent that movie. Secondly - excellent! I will buy the next issue of Penthouse for sure. Wow, I didn't realize I'd end up knowing one of the cool dudes who write the letters.