Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Advice for today [and oh so TMI]

At one of the last HIV conferences I attended one of the speakers was discussing HIV transmission in men. He made the statement that in North America it is always emphasized that anal sex is so much more risky than vag sex and that the image of anal sex is that it causes damage and involves tearing/blood all the time. He mentioned that in his practice he saw TONS of gay men and never, ever was anal damage an occurrence from regular consensual sex. I was part of the panel presentation and was sitting beside him at the front of the room so I couldn't turn to him and say, "omg you're so right", but he was.

It may be different for gay men, as what choice do they have if they want to have penetrative sex? - but for women I think there is a definite idea that anal sex is more painful and can be damaging. Certainly I was in my 30s before I had anal sex and all I can tell you is prior to even considering it I had heard such statements as "It's so painful". "Use lots and lots of lube. LOTS" "Guys have to trick women into doing it" "You just have to past the pain"

Let me tell you [and let you be warned to stop reading if details bug you], when I lost my virginity vaginally, I was in so much pain. And blood? Our bed looked it had been part of a movie set for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. As for when I first had anal sex, it was all very Brokeback Mountain. [or to quote a very good friend of mine, "You mean he just spat on your ass and stuck it in?] Indeed. In fact I didn't even know what he was planning. One second I had a finger up my ass, the next I thought, "What the hell is he doing? Oh. my. god." and that was it. And I am physically not some sort of loose, stretched out creature so don't think that my experience has to be unique. Relax and enjoy.

You know, whether or not a woman decides to have anal sex or not is up to her and her partner. For that matter, any type of [consensual] sex act [between adults] is up to the individual but I can't stand the fear and terror that seems to accompany anything considered outside the norm.


Lesley said...

Amen! I agree. And that is all I'm willing to say about that! (Right now at least. Maybe if I had a few drinks and came back I would overshare...)

madamerouge said...

You've got to learn how to walk before you can run.

Tickersoid said...

whether you're potting the pink or the brown, if you thrust too hard, you can end up with your balls flying right off the table.

Sometimes my analogies develop a life beyond any usefulness.

Seriously, which ever hole is being penetrated some empathy and common sense is required.
Those with cronic constipation my like to colonicly irrigate first.

Freak Magnet said...

Only if I'm in love and only then on special occasions. Something has to be kept sacred.

CoffeeDog said...

See the thing about women and anal sex - they don't have a prostrate gland like men do so why is anal sex even enjoyable for them? I guess maybe because it's taboo?

tornwordo said...

Yeah, isn't it far away from the clitoris? I mean I don't see the allure for the female.

Laverne said...

I can see how it might be pleasant... for some.

But for me? And my hemmorhoids and anal fissure?

No way.

(wait. Was that too much information?

Dantallion said...

I've always wondered what the (physical) appeal for women would be as well

Snooze said...

Lesley: Share away darlin'

MR: That's true.

Tickers: I kind of liked your analogy! And yes, you're right about the advice in the last part.

FM: That's fine, but at least you don't fear it as some sort of ordeal

Laverne: Not TMI at all and I wince even thinking of having an anal fissure.

CoffeeDog/Dan/Torn: I think the appeal lies in different ways for different people. I know women who prefer anal to all other forms of penetration, and sometimes it's the guy that loves it - but in any event, I just wish that people stopped portraying any sex act as painful and torturous when it really isn't