Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Make me dance. Make me smile.

I have been back and forth with Rob since our break-up. Me misunderstanding everything and blithely going on thinking we were friends; him avoiding me and trying to distance himself. Finally after a horrid PMS moment where I called him he sent me a 'fuck you Sue' email [it wasn't nasty, but it was painfully clear about where he stands with respect to knowing me].

I never thought we wouldn't be friends as we hadn't had a particularly bad break-up [at least cops weren't involved as with my last major break-up so perhaps my perspective is off], but as with most couples, I made mistakes, he made mistakes. There's no one-sided in this: and so it goes. I miss him though. I don't see why we couldn't have remained friends or lovers - especially since he's friends with ALL his exes and made it a point of being so. I guess I'm special.*

Of course I miss his personality. That's what made me love him. However, in a more immediate way, the annual Northbound fetish fair is coming up soon [largest event in the world]. I have a really fun outfit.

I so wanted to go.

I had no one to go with.

The first year I went with D. and with a coworker/friend. I loved it, but I found it overwhelming as I had no idea what to expect and had never been to anything even remotely fetish-y before. I also managed to lose part of our tickets and D. and I almost didn't get in which prompted [big surprise] a hysterical crying fit from me. Luckily D. and my friend were very supportive.

Rob and I went last year with a group of friends and it was so much fun. This time I was more prepared and I had the security of being with someone I was going out with. It gave me a bit of confidence rather than feeling like I'm always the odd one out. Instead I had a boyfriend who was as kinky as hell, and who appreciated that I was too. Believe me, it's hard to find. It's not that difficult to find guys who would go, but not to find ones who want to date as well, and I've had guys who have loved me but ended up calling me a whore/slut/weird if I mentioned events like these.

As such, this year I became so unbelievably down about the event. It's worse than trying to get a date for a wedding. It's not the sort of thing I want to go to with someone I don't know and trust well. It's not the type of thing that I can bring just any of my friends to. It's not the sort of thing I want to go on a blind date to.

Luckily my 'fetish friend' came through for me. He and I often go to these sorts of events together. I am also friends with his hubby so it's a wonderful no pressure time. We're going to go. It's not going to be the same as last year, but that's for the best. Instead I will get to wear my leather corset and we'll discuss how we have both lost weight and gossip about who we think looks hot and who is not.

I can't wait.

However, I still need a boost.

I once asked for workout songs and all of you came through. Hotdudi won with Saturday Night by UD Project [I'd NEVER heard of them. Great workout tune].

Give me happy jumpy dancy type songs.

* The last time I got a 'fuck you Sue' letter I was working on a ship. Our emails were all printed out and distributed to us, and one of the passengers came up to me and said, "I think this is for you. It was in my mail slot by mistake..." Nothing quite like having a stranger read your getting dumped note.


Lesley said...

My go-to happy jumpy dance song is I Don't Feel Like Dancing by the Scissor Sisters. I can't hear it without wanting to get up and dance.

Roxrocks said...

I have a similar thing going on. There's a scrapbooking fair next weekend and I want to go but have no one to go with. (Well, okay, it's not the same, the same, but it's kind of the same?) I'll probably just scrapbook at home. Alone.

Breakups are never pretty. It's only the truly evolved that ever have a good one.

Snooze said...

Lesley: Oh - I like that one too. I haven't listened to that in a while. Good idea.

Rox: I completely get how you feel about the scrapbooking fair. My fear was that the only living creatures that would see my leather underbust corset would be my cats.

Brice said...

I hate that you're still going through this...

Workout songs? I don't remember that one... My vote would be for "weapon of choice" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.
I've had that on my iPod when I go jogging a couple of times. Usually, by the end of the 5 minutes I'm running flat-out, not realizing that i'm about to drop dead of exhaustion.

Tickersoid said...

My choices are Groove is in the Heart. by Delight and, for the fetish theme, 'In these shoes' by the late Kirsty McCall.

Snooze said...

Brice: Actually, I'm doing well. I miss Rob, but I can accept that he doesn't want to be friends. And thanks for the music tips! [and I still crack up everytime I think of you jogging. Is that wrong?]

Tickers: I will check those out

eroswings said...

Hope you have fun; people come and go in our lives for a reason. We can only try to learn from our experiences and live life as best we can.

As for a dance song, Basement Jaxx's Do Your Thing is a pretty fun one. Here the youtube link.

Freak Magnet said...

I'm sorry to hear about Rob. You deserve to be treated better than what he is.

I'm into Christina Aguilera's Candyman as of late.

Snooze said...

Eros: That is a fun video! Very catchy. I'm not sure what lesson I've learned yet about Rob except that I'm scared to date again.

FM: I think I'm more worried that it's my annoying depression that will just keep screwing up my relationships.