Thursday, September 10, 2009

Anniversaries

When it was August 22nd this year I kept remembering that I had been in Vegas the year before with great friends, and all I wanted to do was die. Or maybe at that time I had been more struggling to live. I had started my antidepressants and it was kind of my last ditch effort. I look back now and feel so sad that I didn't get my depression properly treated sooner.

I don't think though that I knew any other way to be, and of course, I've had such happy crazy times too. For me depression was like being in a completely abusive relationship: you just don't know how else to be, and you tend to focus on when times are good.

So I'm into September now. It's been a year since I started to feel better. I no longer dream of dying. I am fine at work. [One horrid sobbing incident at work convinced me that I needed to get help - I had ALWAYS been able to function well at work but even that ability was beyond me last summer]. One of the best decisions I ever made was to go in the bike rally. Despite all the pain, that level of exercise is what I need to keep my mind functioning. Perhaps 100km a day isn't realistic, but I need to keep doing at least a 50km ride on week-ends and some form of aerobics each day.

As I am at work, I'll end this post now. I'm in an odd mood, but then again, that's not odd for me! Love to everyone.

14 comments:

Susan as herself said...

YAY! That is quite a way to come in a year. Congratulations. And try not to regret too much---the future is bright, and you seem to be on a good path! ;)

Rox said...

I'm proud of you and your efforts to save your Self. It's hard to believe it's been a year already! ^^^High Five^^^

Not as bad a Freak Magnet as Norman said...

I'm so happy you're feeling better now. You give me so much support when I need it, it's hard to realize you can need help, too. You're one of my favorite people. Whenever I see something that makes me think of you, the immediate first thought is, "Strong woman. Gives excellent advice and takes life by the balls. Should learn to be more like her." And I mean that.

eroswings said...

You're a strong and smart person, Snooze, and I'm glad you're feeling so much better. I can totally relate to doing physical activity to deal with stuff, because there's something freeing and invigorating about doing something physically and mentally challenging. It is also a lot fun at times, and there's an incredible sense of accomplishment when you've done it.

You're an amazing and brave individual, and I admire you for your honesty and your spirit.

Matt Swift said...

I'm disappointed that we never see each other enough, but it's really good to know that you're getting so much better.

*hug*

tornwordo said...

I'm glad you seem to be out of those woods. Congrats.

CoffeeDog said...

Nice to hear from you...

Aunty Christ said...

Awesome! I'm so happy for you, Snooze. Congrats on all your recent accomplishments. There'll be more to come, I'm sure.

Perplexio said...

I went to church with my parents when they were in town over Labor Day Weekend. The sermon was on how sometimes having a steady routine is all that gets us through the rough spots in life. The reverend was of course referring to the routine of going to church-- but I'd counter that routine in general can sometimes be what carries us through the rough spots in our life.

Having that routine can act as kind of an auto-pilot to guide us when we forget how or are otherwise unable to guide ourselves. It sounds like a physical fitness regimen is your "routine"-- more power to you for that. After all the body is a temple, right?

TLC said...

I went through the same and now, even though I still have bad days, I know they won't last and just ride it out. Hang in there. Stay positive. Do things that make you happy and confident. Think happy thoughts.

-jkg said...

hey snooze!

i need your help. i messed up my blog template and lost all my links. i have NO idea how i had that set up on my template now. do you know? can i copy the html so i can place in my template and get my links back up? sorry for hitting you on the comment section.

i hope youre well!

email me at jonsaid@gmail.com

Sex Toy Guru said...

Wow, what a series of accomplishments you've done in the last year; That's very inspiring!

Stewie said...

Really happy for you, Snooze.

I can understand what you went through, and it's fantastic that you are out. Things only get better.

Stewie said...

Ug. Stupid return button before I was finished and I can't delete it because work blocks that delete page (wtf!)

Anyway, as I was saying, congrats on getting on the path that makes you happy. When you go through shit times, the rewards are that much sweeter.

I'm rambling now.