Marital ties

I already noted that when I thought I was on my deathbed, I panicked about family finding my home porn. Lesson learned, when we had to move out of our place in order to show it, I made sure that the toy box was well stashed. However, I did overlook my bondage book - Two Knotty Boys show you the Ropes. No problem, I shoved it in a bag and took it with me to my parents [not hard to see where this is going...]

When TM and I moved back to our condo, we were in a rush to get Little Poo and although we cleaned up, we left much of our stuff at my parents place, including, as I discovered on Easter Sunday, that damn book. After Easter dinner, I went into the spare bedroom and started to gather up what we had left behind. My mother had kindly organized it in one corner. That's right - my mother had organized everything. And there was the bondage book, propped up against a wall, behind our wedding album. Sigh.

Overall though, I have to confess that it wasn't much of a concern. If my parents can cope with one child being transgendered, they can certainly cope with one child being into rope play. Besides, I'm married and have a child now so I'm sure the book was shuffled into the category of "what a couple does is between them" as opposed to [had I still been single] - "no wonder my daughter isn't married. Men don't marry girls like that".

impatience won

When Finn failed the car test (or as I look at it - the car test failed Finn) I immediately lost all adult coping skills and cried my eyes out in the middle of the nursery. The nurse who had been looking after him that day was so kind and comforted me assuring that many babies passed on their second try. Then the doctor arrived and we went into a more private area so he could talk to me about the test results.

He assured me over and over that the test had nothing to do with Finn's ability to do well at home, but only that he couldn't stay in a car seat for a long time at this age. He then said that even babies who do well on the test shouldn't be left unattended in a car seat or be allowed to sleep in them for a long time.

I asked him point blank if I could take the baby home on the subway. He kind of alluded that that's what he would do and again, assured me that in every other way Finn was healthy enough to go home.

After a relaxing meal of pizza and prosecco, TM and I decided that regardless of the results of the second test the next day that we were taking our baby home. By car or by pram, I was having my baby out of the hospital where he was at higher risk of infection. And indeed, when my son miserably failed the car seat test for a second time, I bundled him up in his pram and walked the 45 minutes home. Of course I stopped at every single intersection to make sure he was still breathing, but we are now all a nice happy unit at home.

TM and I are thrilled and have worked out a system where we both get enough sleep, the dog is protective of the baby, the older cat keeps her distance, and psycho cat was stalking the bassinet but now is not interested once she saw the contents.

Gratitude and yet impatience

• After 9 weeks, my son was supposed to be released from hospital today but yesterday he 'failed' his car seat test. This was a test where they set my son in his car seat on a stand and monitored his oxygen levels. Long story, but the doctor assured me that this test had nothing to do with his actual health, my son is well, but that this controversial test will keep him in the hospital for another day. I cried my eyes out when I learned he couldn't go home on Wednesday. However, he should be released on Thursday. They are repeating the test today.

• I am unbelievably grateful though that my son is doing well and will be going home. I've met parents who have one healthy twin and another who is very ill or dying. I've met a single mom who due to some past addiction issues is having her baby apprehended by the state - she will get to see her baby, but has to jump through a few more hoops. Whether or not you have sympathy for her (and I do), it is still hell for anyone to not stay with their baby.

• I found out via email that my job is being transferred to a new government agency. Likely this means good-bye to many of my benefits, my pension, and the security of union status. Still, grateful to have a job at all in this economy. TM's job is commission-based so we really need my job. I'm still not sure what this transfer will do to my maternity leave. All I want to do is cry right now, but again, for now I have a job to return to.

• My health is back. I've started walking to the hospital in the morning. It's a brisk 45-minute walk. I'm frustrated with my weight and muscle tone, but I have to start somewhere. Besides, I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight so this is just a reflection of work on my body that existed long before pregnancy.

• Half of my stuff is packed away in storage, including my waxing kit and make-up. I am a hairy, haggard beast right now. However. we packed and cleaned in order to make our condo appealing for the market. We also moved into my parents' for a week. It all worked though as our place sold in 4 days for pretty much what we were asking.

• Although I am not looking forward to moving again in three weeks, with half our stuff in storage it won't be as difficult a move, and I am looking forward to living in our new condo, and having a second bedroom for the baby. Our current place is not set up for a baby.