...for some sort of nervous breakdown.
Perhaps too much caffeine, but I'm nervous, have heart palpitations, am crying at the drop of a hat, and am emotional beyond belief. And I do not have PMS.
Right now the trauma has subsided to a headache and my body is shaking.
Weird. I certainly hope this passes soon enough.
PS Just to clarify - I'm not upset right now. I'm disturbed by my body's strange state of panic, but otherwise I feel fine.
I vaguely remember trying to burn down the tent [with him inside] but being unable to light the kerosene.
We had been in Scotland for a week staying with my aunts. Every time we spoke with my relatives they would look dumbfounded and ask, "You're going camping? Why don't you stay at a nice bed and breakfast?"
Why indeed.
Yet here we were in our rental car stopped at a seaside town on the west coast of Scotland. It was early May and it was cold. I already was being miserable and unadventurous (but from now on I'll paint myself as the suffering victim like I had no guilt in what transpired at all, okay?). There were two campsites in the town and we drove around each of them.
I have already admitted that I didn't take easily to camping to begin with, but I had grown to appreciate the beauty of sleeping in northern Ontario/Quebec when you have lots of space and are surrounded by forest. I still see the point to camping if it's to get away from everything and you are in wilderness that has no cabins. This was camping in a field where each tent was about one foot from the next. Basically this was camping that you did to save money instead of staying in a hotel.
This is the sort of camping that I see absolutely no point to. Not when we were two single people with enough disposable income to afford a bed and breakfast. Instead we were sleeping in a cold, wet tent for the sake of - well, I still have no idea.
I do remember crawling into my sleeping bag that night and putting on a hat and mitts. I also remember my boyfriend trying to undress me. This is what precipitated trying to burn down the tent. I remember thinking, "SEX? You want SEX? Are you out of your fucking mind?" First of all, I was too cold and too annoyed to even think of it. Secondly, we were one foot away from the next tent and I wasn't into putting on a show for everyone. And last but not least, I was completely uptight about the fact that we weren't able to wash the sleeping bags. There was no way I was having sex in one.
We got in the car very early the next morning and headed north.
