Tuesday, June 03, 2008

They meant well

Has your friend recently gone through a break-up? Are you wondering what to say? Let me give you some guidance on friends who tried their best but kind of missed the mark.

1. Oh my god your boyfriend was so hot. I couldn't believe it. When you guys walked into the party I was in awe.

Why this didn't work: Okay, I am well aware of how hot he was. I have video proof and don't need to be reminded. Also, this over emphasis on his looks is making me feel like a troll. I always date good-looking men and more to the point, why wouldn't I? Can we tone down the surprise a bit? Especially after a break-up all I hear is, "How the hell did you land him?" I'm not ugly! I'm not! Really!!!!

2. You know, you should stop trying to have an open relationship.

Why this didn't work: I have had many, many failed monogamous relationships. So have my friends. Do I stand there when friends are having relationship problems or when the guy cheats and say, "well, maybe if you would loosen up and let him have other lovers..." No, of course I don't. Everyone has their own way of being. Open relationships are hard, but so is monogamy and we did not break up because of other lovers.

3. Don't worry, you'll be dating again in no time.

Why this didn't work: Can we wait with this one until I've washed the stains off the sheets?

4. Let me tell you: He's forgotten about you already.

Why this didn't work: I realize that my friend was trying to say that I should just focus on myself, but come on, no one needs to hear this three days after they've been dumped.

What statements did help were actually kind of nasty against my ex so I won't detail them here. But they made me laugh. And regardless, I love and appreciate all my friends who in their own way tried to offer comfort. Even if the statements weren't always appreciated.


CoffeeDog said...

How about my reply : He's a fool for breaking up with you

Susan as herself said...

Oooh, yeah---I agree with you. All those responses you listed stink.

I usually try to lend comfort by providing distracting activities (movies, plays, ealks, shopping, meals out, etc) and by offering alcoholic libations.

I have found those things to help me in the past...

UGH---sorry to hear it, and if I lived closer I'd take you out for a drink!

Sunshine & Kitten Farts said...

How about the old, "You'll find someone someday. You're such a good person."

Always makes me want to smack somebody.

That said, you want I should sneak into his house one night and dip his fingertips into hot pepper juice so when he goes to potty he gets a nice little surprise?

Brice said...

Haha, nice!
I'm proud to say that my contribution was none of the above. I think my words of comfort were "have another pint," or something similar.

Snooze said...

CD: That works

Susan: Distractions worked too.

Sunshine: I have no feelings of vengeance to him - we were in different stages. And I so agree with you about the'you'll find someone' statement.
Although I will

Brice: That's my answer to everything

eroswings said...

Break ups suck; but we live, we learn (or at least try to learn); sooner or later, we try again...

The only thing worse than breaking up is staying in a bad relationship because of the fear of being on your own...

Life's too short.

Snooze said...

Eroswings: I tend to agree with you there.

EarthMother said...

Oh God ... I didn't say any of those things, did I??!!
I agree with coffeedog ... he is a schmuck for letting you go ...

Brice said...

Actually, "have another pint" is one of my most successful pickup lines. After I've said it 7 or 15 times to someone, they occasionally agree to go home with me.

ps. my Word Verification is YUPRV. How amazing is that????