Friday, October 09, 2009

Move over Jil, it's all about Tom now

About once a year I splurge on perfume, or more accurately, a high-end eau de toilette. Jil Sander No. 4 was my signature scent, but then for some unknown reason [no doubt just to torture me...] the fashion house of Jil Sander stopped making it. I reluctantly moved on to another scent by Jil Sander. Not a huge deal because although I preferred No. 4, I did like the new one. It was truly too much though when I went by local high end department store to get a new bottle and was told that Jil Sander no longer is selling perfume in Canada.

WTF? I felt personally attacked. I tried to keep my emotions in check by reminding myself that half the world doesn't have clean water let alone the luxury of buying perfume, but I really was at a loss. I stared at all the other lotions and potions but mainly kept walking around the space as if Jil Sander perfume was going to magically appear and I would be able to tell the lady, "You're WRONG. Here it is!" [and of course I followed this up by devouring the info on the Jil Sander site].

Fast forward a couple of weeks and I am cutting through same high-end department store en route to the mall below to find lunch. I was wearing a fabulous hat and huge sunglasses and all the store assistants were offering to help me in the mistake that I had the income to regularly shop there. Yet one of the people who asked me if I needed help was a hot as hades man staffing the Tom Ford perfume section. I thought that were worse ways to pass the lunch hour. As such I spent the next few minutes sniffing and sampling and yes, inadvertently I found my new scent. Nevermind that I can't actually afford to buy it - I have asked for it as a combined Christmas/birthday gift.

I left the store with it sprayed on my wrists and at one point was standing waiting to cross the street when I thought, "Dayum something smells good". This was followed by the realization that *I* smelled good! I was turning myself on. I wanted to have sex with me. Not as in self love. I mean, I actually wanted to clone myself and have sex with me. I felt so gorgeous. It was a weird out of body experience where I couldn't stop thinking, "This person. This woman with that scent. She must be some amazingly erotic creature"

If I don't receive it as a gift, I will eat lentils and brown rice for a month just so I can buy a bottle. Life is too short not to smell nice.

Now if only I could find a solution for my ever-growing disgusting minge. My waxer sold her business and went back to Colombia. I'm happy for her but I need to avoid sex, PAP smears, and all other naked moments until I get some good grooming again. When I do, I'll lie around wearing nothing but my new perfume.


Rox said...

The quest for the perfect scent ranks right up there with the quest for the perfect purse or the quest for the perfect bra. Save your buttons girlie!

eroswings said...

I can totally relate to the horror of finding out that the dept store no longer carries your scent! After moping about for about 6 months, imagine my good fortune at finding out that Wal Mart now carries it, and it costs 2/3 less than what the dept store charged!

Good luck hunting for a new landscaper!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh, this is brilliant! Not just the story, but the way you told it. I was hooked and totally felt your anguish.

And then you had to mention your unmentionables... Still, as Eros said, good luck!

tornwordo said...

What is wrong with companies? I don't wear perfume but I'm all in a tizzy because my traditional green bean and mushroom casserole is a must for Thanksgiving tomorrow and the secret ingredient has been discontinued at all the markets. (French's french fried onions for the topping) The heinousness. I'm subbing pringles new garlic parmesan chips all crushed up, but I know it's not going to be as good.

eroswings said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Snooze!

Matt Swift said...

Posts like this are why I think you're so awesome!


Stewie said...

What Matt said, because I can't say it better and he nailed it.

Susan as herself said...

I know how great it feels to find a perfume that is "you." A feeling of victory indeed. (And a very sensual experience as you said.)

My current fave: Armani "Code." I generally like Armani. I have a little crush on Giorgio Armani, in fact, solely based on his luscious fragrances.

Snooze said...

Rox: Indeed!

Eros: I wish more men would wear scent (not including of course the high school boys who bathe in it). Good for you!

IDV: Thanks but I know you love hearing about the state of my unmentionable areas.

Torn: How did the chip substitution work out? Was it a surprising delight?

Eros, Matt, and Stewie: Thanks guys - and Matt, I realize that I am long overdue for meeting up with you and K.

Susan: Finding the right scent ranks up there with finding the perfect jeans.