Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Fear of BBQs

TM and I are the proud owners of the Big Green Egg(tm) grill and smoker. We love it. I can bake pizzas and grill my veggies and tofu on it, he can toss all sorts of dead animals on. I even learned how to start it and use it (I was never a bbq person) - and so far I'm loving it. However, I'm also somewhat scared of it.

My fear has little to do with the heat and smoke. Instead, it's because I find the BGE too close to this:

To non-insane people, the resemblance may not be there, but I can't stop thinking that the damn thing is going to start barking "Exterminate! Exterminate!" and then zap me. Normally I would view this as revenge of the meat, but for fuck's sake I eat tofu. No need for a bbq to turn on me!

Moreover, TM has threatened to attach a toilet plunger to the front of the bbq and wheel it around after me. I don't think he's taking my terror seriously. If you read about a woman dead of a heart attack found near a bbq with a plunger attached to it - you will know that Snooze is no more.


Stewie said...

Welcome to man town!

BBQs are awesome. Everything tastes better on a grill.

And it's more awesome when you BBQ in the snow. Everything then tastes like summer.

<3 BBQs.

eroswings said...


A Dr Who themed BBQ sounds like a fun way to spend a summer day.

As for the Daleks, their skills could be put to better use eliminating cockroaches.

Matt Swift said...

I can see the resemblance, which means you're no crazier than i.

rox said...

You're no crazier than Matt, that should bring you comfort.


You don't eat meat?!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I think you're on to something. It is somewhat sinister...

Rebekah said...

I totally see it. Man... it would be just the thing to roll into the bedroom late at night, and scare the living daylights out of you (okay, me. It would scare me. I admit it).

Susan as Herself said...

OK, this post made me laugh out loud. I keep picturing a plunger ties to a grill. HAH!!!

Snooze said...

5l.Stewie: Well, on the 4th of July we had bbq AND went to a gun range. That was man day.

Eros: My terror of the bbq is slowly subsiding

Matt: lol

Rox: I think we both reacted to Matt's comment the same way. As for meat, I'm not a true vegetarian. I stopped eating most meats when I was 16, but I will eat chicken once in a while and I've started eating lamb for iron. In general though, I prefer to not eat meat.

IDV: One day all the Big Green Eggs will unite. Then we'll be in trouble.

Rebekah: I know! I'd never sleep again.

Susan: No, no - it would be terrifying.