Monday, April 21, 2008

Susan's guide to basic living

Today I am psychotic and bitchy. More so than usual. But instead of ranting, I am going to offer tips I have learned on how to handle day to day activities that people in Toronto [and perhaps elsewhere, but I'll go by my observations] seem challenged by.

Stepping onto an escalator: It's easy. No really, it is. Just keep walking. Step onto the first step and continue walking up the rolling stairs if you are on the left-hand side. If you are on the right, you can choose to stand still. However, standing still does not include coming to a dead stop and pausing before stepping onto the escalator. Then you run the risk of me banging into you.

Please people, it's subway rush hour. Learn to step onto an escalator. If you are challenged by the thought of smoothly stepping onto the escalator, then I suggest that you practise sometime when it isn't rush hour. [this rant does not apply to people who are disabled, the frail elderly, or recent immigrants who come from countries without escalators. For those people, take your time and come to a dead stop if you want to]

Coping with automatic flush toilets: I long ago came to conclusion that the Canadian public is too lazy/gross to figure out how to flush a toilet most of the time, but they seem to be especially challenged by automatic flush toilets. These automatic toilets should mean that in general toilets are less disgusting. Yet it seems that when it doesn't flush correctly or everything doesn't disappear with the first flush, people have no clue what to do.

Here' s what to do: You don't need to dance back and forth in front of the sensor trying to get it to flush again, and for the love of all that is good don't walk away. There is always a button right near the sensor. Press it. Et voilĂ ! Flush! Repeat as necessary.

Figuring out what side the gas tank is on in rental cars:
I never check in advance and I always get it wrong. However, I recently learned that the little gas tank icon on your dash has an arrow beside it pointing to the side with the gas tank. This icon has saved endless circling of gas pumps.

And now I am done with sharing my vast wisdom for the day. If you have a hint on how to cope with daily living, please leave it in the comments.



Stewie said...

Escalator rules apply in DC, as well.

I detest tourists.

Detest them.

tornwordo said...

The little gas tank arrow is one of the genius inventions of the last century.

Brice said...

In the last few days, I've noticed an incredible number of people (talking on their cellphone) walk up to the bottom of the escalator and STOP.
I've found that a shouted "Outta the fucking way!" generally shocks them into the realization that they're not the only person in the city.

Lesley said...

The escalator rules apply in NYC as well. And I share Stewie's disdain for the tourists. I now have my usual spring dread because I know that spring means the beginning of the insane tourist season.

ChickenStrip said...

Vodka is how I cope.

Greg the Surly said...

The war on terror scares me, but not as much as the pace at which the ignorant are breeding. I'm scared

Dantallion said...

It's the ones that go to the bathroom on the escalator that really bother me.

Susan as herself said...

Wow. I never knew that about the gas icon! Cool!

And yeah, the non-flushing of toilets always gets me where I live. Please, people!!!

Freak Magnet said...

One of my professors was telling the class how she was getting sick in the bathroom at the college and the automatic flush kept going off and she couldn't get it to stop.

Coping? Xanax. I'll give you some of mine. I'm friendly and enabling like that.

Snooze said...

Stewie: I'm going to visit DC and make you hang out with me as I ask everyone stupid tourist questions

Torn: Ain't it though?

Brice: Oooh. I haven't been faced with cellphone users yet. I think I'd yell the same.

Lesley: Good... another victim for my annoying tourist behaviour...

Chickenstrip: That would work.

Greg: So let's go breed a smart one.

Dantallion: omfg - for a minute I thought you had witnessed that.

Susan: The gas icon rules

FM: Puking in an automatic flush toilet - that's a great visual.