Monday, June 14, 2010

Love conquers all (eventually!)

Although my parents never once were verbally hostile to my sister nor threatened to disown her when she announced her transition, I would be lying if I said that none of us had our own issues to deal with. When a close family member radically changes their identity (or at least what we thought their identity was), it causes everyone to rethink their own identity.

In my case, I was fine with my sister's transition, but I did have a moment of identity crisis realizing that in my family, although I was still the youngest, I was no longer the only daughter. In fact the first thing I said to my sister when she told me about her true self (as at that time I was still looking at the person I had known as one of my brothers), after a sincere "that's great!" was, "I still get the jewellery!!!"

I'm over that now. At my wedding I specifically gave my sister the ring I had inherited from an aunt, and I kept the matching bracelet. My aunt had never realized that she had two nieces, so I figured that it was only right for my sister to also have a tangible memory of our aunt.

Enough about me though. This is to say how proud I am of my parents tonight. My mother believes that there is likely a genetic part to both sexual orientation and gender identity. She said that if people are judging her child, then she would just let them know that they were judging her because her child was a product of both her and my father's genetics. Anyhow, it wasn't said like, "Oh well, your sister can't *help* it, she was born like that" - it was more a celebration.

It's important to me having just gone through a wedding as it's nice to know that there is love in all forms. My parents also noted how touched they were to hear my father-in-law introduce his daughter and her wife to everyone when we were announcing guests from far away. Not that my in-laws ever had a problem with their daughter and her partner - everyone was at that wedding last year - but it's so nice that the public recognition wasn't an issue at all.

TM and I often laugh realizing that if either of our paternal grandfathers were still alive, they would not even have approved of our marriage. My Italian grandfather would have been horrified by the fact that TM has Chinese heritage, and equally, his grandfather would have been equally horrified that his beloved grandson was marrying a caucasian.

Here's to all the love in the world!


jkg said...

wow. i cant believe i have been reading your thoughts for this long and still every now and then you write a post where im like, "wow, i did NOT know that about her."

im so glad youre honest. youre an inspiration, snooze.

tornwordo said...

So cool. I still don't think my parents are quite there yet. One day I hope.

CoffeeDog said...

*heart* you

Rox said...

OMG I have severe PMS and now I'm bawling! Beautiful post Snooze!

eroswings said...


You put the Can in Candian--Yes we can! Sometimes, what are very different things combine to create something magical--like poutine!

Seriously, that's fantastic how open minded everyone's been. It's not an easy transition, but it certainly isn't an impossible one to make, esp. when it involves a loved one.

My family's been mixed for several generations now, and it's a beautiful thing. Ever notice how mixed race children grow up to be stunningly beautiful? They get the best of both worlds!

And it's wonderful to have so many different people come together to celebrate diversity and love.

Snooze said...

jkg: That means a lot coming from you. I admire you greatly

Torn: My parents had no choice. That said, I'm still proud

CD: Likewise darling, and it's heartbreaking to me that your state doesn't recognize fully the love between you and the missus. But it will happen.

Rox: I'm kicking into PMS time myself.

Eros: I didn't know that about your family! How wonderful.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

It's acceptance like this that makes me happy to live in the world we do, despite all the awful things happening around us.