Peace to all

I hope that everyone is enjoying the holidays. I am catching up on some much-needed sleep.

Right now I'm watching Scarface on A&E right now. I prefer it to the Christmas schlock which has been polluting the tv channels of late. However, A&E is one of those channels that irritatingly blocks out 'bad' language. In Scarface this equates to about half the dialogue in scenes. More to the point, all the violence is in there so give me a break - we can show the kiddies some guy being beat up and then hanged from a helicopter, but god forbid we hear the word 'fuck'.

Sleeping sickness

Between my week off and my first week back at work I've been quite productive during the week, and paying for it at the week-end. As in, I cannot stay awake. This used to happen to me as a student though - around February each year I would sleep for about 3 days straight. Today I got up with the dog, but ended up sleeping for another hour at eleven, and then another four hours at 2pm. I only dragged my ass out of bed because we are having TM's sister over for dinner tonight.

I definitely wasn't pregnant as a student, so it must just be something about my system. I wouldn't mind so much except my dreams have become vivid, memorable, and quite horrific.

Highlight of the week-end was Friday where TM and I went and saw Blade Runner on a 70mm print. What a phenomenal movie.

Oh, and the neighbour was back at it last night. This time TM went up and pounded on his door and was greeted with something along the lines of, "Touch my door again and I'll fucking kill you you homo". Lovely. The cops came this time though so we'll see if that makes a difference.

Highs and Lows

I have taken this week off to try and get on top of things at home. Or rather, to dig out from under the mess of laundry, outstanding cards to write, etc. It's not relaxing at all, but it will help with my stress level considerably if I can knock some things off my to-do list. I don't have the energy or desire to do enough after work, and TM doesn't either.

One big happy event of the week is that my neighbour was silent. There were enough complaints that he was sent a letter from property management detailing how for every subsequent noise complaint the owner would be fined $500. Whether or not dude is the owner of the condo and decided not to pay $500 every time he came home drunk or he is in fact renting and the owner called him and stated that he had better not get a noise complaint I don't know. But either way, the week-end was silent.

I also had a very very lengthy ultrasound where it seems that little ALF is developing just fine. However, much to my shame I had a meltdown in the waiting room while waiting - what else?- for the results. I had thought the ultrasound was going to take 20 minutes but instead it took an hour and a half and I was out of my mind with hunger. Anyhow, I told the receptionist that I wasn't waiting anymore and left with TM in tow having to listen to me rant away.

I ended up grabbing something to eat, and then going back upstairs and apologizing to the front desk person. Not that I was screaming or abusive to her, but I was crabby and as if front line people don't get enough of that. Anyhow, my results were fine. TM and I opted not to know the sex. It's just easier for me and my paranoia if I don't start talking to my little fetus as an actual person with one of the names we've chosen. Better to pat my alarming fat stomach and say, "Hello little ALF".

Meanwhile I think I'm all prepared for motherhood as the dog has puked/peeed on our bed for about five days in a row. We have started trying to shut her out of the room, but as our bedroom has no door (loft-type condo), it's not that easy to do. As such, I think I'm all ready for poop and pee and no sleep. Still in complete denial about having to breast feed though. Ah well, I have over four months to mentally prepare myself.

Please no. Not now. Not again

Sometimes I read my old blog posts and I realize how bad my depression got. It's difficult to explain to people who don't live with depression how ruthless it is. It's not like my whole life was a sad moment - truly there were some things about untreated depression that I miss - the sense of nihilism and adventure and focus to name a few. Yet, last night I was thinking that I haven't thought of suicide in over a year.

It's not because I got married - although I do find TM to be a great source of support - it's more that I got married/settled because with the proper treatment I was finally able to tone down the crazy. Again, crazy is fun, it really, really is. However, after a while, like a drug addiction, it takes too much out of you, and moreover, out of those around you.

Anyhow, this is my way of saying that I am having the crappiest day I've had in ages. It started over an early morning confrontation I had with party boy neighbour (yes, I banged on his door at 8am and woke him up, just like his music woke TM and I up at 3am and kept us up until 4:30am). He's so selfish. Not a surprise, but I'm so upset now. I regret it and worry that he will hurt my cats. No, he didn't threaten that, but I worry about someone who to me is a sociopath.

Ah well, at least I'm not suicidal. I suppose that's progress. I can handle a day of sadness and tears.

PS Why *is* it that I've met so many transgendered folk or people living with HIV who are gentle souls and just want to live their lives and yet get persecuted by society, but fucking arsehole white boy is a selfish dick to everyone around him and lives a charmed life?

Lest we forget... to go shopping???

I came home from work today sick and spent the whole afternoon conked out in bed. I hope to go to the Remembrance Day ceremony tomorrow at the parliament building, but I'll see what shape I'm in. Regardless, I will observe the minute of silence and follow a ceremony on tv if I don't feel well enough to leave the house.

I'll tell you what I won't be doing to honour those who have served and who are serving now: I won't be attending the Remembrance Day sale at Eddie Bauer. What the fuck? How on earth can a chain possibly think that a day meant to commemorate those who served their country is a good time for a sale? Add them to my boycott list.

TM and I saw an equally ludicrous ad for Macy's Veteran's Day sale in the US. You know, maybe devout Christians feel the same way about Christmas sales, but this has just crossed a big line for me. Even if the stores donated some from their sales to veterans, it's so incomprehensibly gross to think of this day becoming another day to shop.

My Christmas/Birthday gift

Early, but it's my new bike helmet. I am so in love with it. Can't wait until I give birth and can bike again! [albeit with a trailer attached]

The scent of a woman

I was reading a debate over bathing habits: http://www.metafilter.com/97262/au-naturel

It seems that many people are shocked and appalled to discover that some people don't shower every single fucking day of life. What's funny is that the article makes it perfectly clear that except for a few people who are somehow embracing their natural odour, that the people profiled are still indulging in some form of personal hygiene. They shampoo once in a while. They tend to wash the stinky bits with soap and a washcloth. They skip deodorant if it isn't needed. Put me in this camp.

I can't be bothered showering every day and certainly my legs and elbows don't need it. The other bits need a wash, but that doesn't mean full-body immersion. My morning routine is to get up and leave to get my morning espresso and give the dog a walk. I also let the cats out at that time. When I return I feed all animals and myself and ALF, and then get ready for work. I don't need a shower to wake up. TM on the other hand, needs a long, hot shower in the morning (and admittedly, he does smell better than me. Not that I stink, I just don't have that 'freshly showered' smell).

When I switched to natural deodorant I also found that I didn't need it every day. I've run out though as there is only one natural type that works for me and now that I've succumbed to Secret again, I need to wear it daily. I also stopped washing my hair much. I wash it about twice a week and that has finally gotten rid of the rat's nest dry hair I've had my whole life. My feet stink but even with washing and rotating footwear it's an issue I have to watch out for, so it's not like I'm clueless to when I have odour issues.

I definitely change socks and undies every day, and I don't sleep with undies on so that everything airs out (I find it so weird when people sleep in their underwear. Barf). It reminds me of another article I read where some guy was complaining that his girlfriend would wear her bra more than once. I couldn't believe the number of people who wrote in to say that they wash their bras after 3 wearings. Fuck, I wash mine after 3 months. They are in decent rotation and again, don't smell.

Of course if I'm working out or having a ton of sex that the washing routine goes on a different schedule, but otherwise, I'm fine with my methods. What are the routines of the rest of you?

The annual complaint

I like Canadian Thanksgiving being low-key and in October. That said, it's days like today that I almost wish that we shared the November American Thanksgiving, for no other reason than the fact that Christmas wouldn't be the only major holiday looming after Hallowe'en.

I walked into my neighbourhood Starbucks today and realized that Santa and his elves had barfed up decorations all over the store last night. As much as I like to partake in a seasonal peppermint mocha (tall, two-pump, decaf, non-fat, non-whip, extra hot, hold the sprinkles...) - it's November 2nd. I'm going to be so sick of Christmas by the time it's Christmas.

At least they weren't playing Christmas carols yet. I mean, it's Diwali on Friday. Can't we put up a few decorations for that instead?

the mIssing kink

One thing that pregnancy has done is zapped my libido. By the end of the day I have no energy, and I'm often somewhat queasy so that doesn't make for a great sex drive. Also, because during the first trimester I had a good deal of spotting and bleeding (apparently quite common, but also quite alarming), this left penetration off the menu. Or at least vaginal penetration, but the lack of energy and nausea negated other choices too.

What I did continue for the first bit of my pregnancy were my weekly bondage lessons. I am trying to improve my rope skills so my rope top would come over once a week and I'd practice my knots. Sometimes TM was there too. Not really participating, but just absorbed in surfing the net while my rope top bound my feet and hands. [as an aside, this is a huge part that makes me adore TM. His kink metre isn't quite as high as mine, but My rope top and I are fully dressed and having a grand old time working on ties and TM respects that as much as he respects my love of snowboarding. Besides, he knows that ultimately he can be the beneficiary of any skills I learn].

And then my old friend fatigue kicked in and my weekly lessons stopped. Recently though I've begun to panic thinking that if I don't have lessons now, I certainly won't have energy for them once the baby arrives. This is also my panic about kink and sex in general. I have hence decided that whatever energy I have left at the end of the day, it will go to at least massaging TM. I need to 'use it or lose it' when it comes to a sex drive. So ironic that when I was single I made a lot of effort to go out and seek partners and experiences and now that I have a source here all the time, I'm asleep.

I know... welcome to marriage! welcome to pregnancy! the rest of you are saying...

Starting the day like a frat boy

Yesterday I took my prenatal vitamin and iron supplement with a glass of juice but didn't have time to eat. I decided I would grab breakfast at work. In retrospect a bad idea since vitamins + empty stomach = queasiness. This is without the added joy of pregnancy nausea.

I started to feel queasy on the streetcar ride, and by the time I descended into the subway entrance, I knew I was going to throw up. The TTC has three trash cans always joined in a row. Two are for recycling, and the third is for trash. I was moving down the row of cans mentally ticking off, "recycling...recycling...TRASH!". I leaned over the TTC trash can and started retching and couldn't seem to stop.

People weren't stopping but I didn't expect them too. I wasn't in particular distress. I was just vomiting into the garbage. However, one nice man did stop and ask if I were okay and ask if I needed water or something. In between retches I managed to turn my head and assure him with a hasty - just pregnant - before returning to retching. Moments later I gathered my composure and thanked him for his concern. Anyhow, thank you random guy, it was extremely kind of you to stop and offer help.

My barfing done, I felt fine and got on the subway to continue my journey to work. And I did indeed have a bagel when I arrived at the office.

Slogging onward

I've come to the conclusion that I have a cold. I figured I was feeling crappy just due to pregnancy crappiness, but sore throat and being a snot factory seems to indicate otherwise. Meanwhile my appetite has kicked into high gear and I need to stock up on healthier food. I will not be at a healthy pregnancy weight at all if I continue my current carb craze. At least it's weekdays again where I tend to eat better. I bring fruit to work and snacks like hummus - it just seems that on week-ends comfort food like grilled cheese beckon.

Condoms work! and other news

Rox and I are the same age, but she is preparing to be a grandmother, and I'm on my way to experiencing motherhood. I think she timed it better, but each person's life works on it's own schedule and I'm just accepting that my moniker Snooze will be but a distant memory six months from now (touch wood that all goes well!).

Getting pregnant did make me realize how well condoms work. I've never been on the pill except for a brief 4 months when I was much, much younger. Sometimes I wondered if I was infertile all along and my choice of condoms only worked because I couldn't get pregnant. Yet, here I am in my 40s and after a few unsuccessful tries, TM and I are looking forward to becoming parents.

So there you have it. Slight queasiness, complete fatigue, and a whole bunch of worry and I have had little will to blog in the past three months. I'm feeling stronger now though. Keep fingers and toes crossed for me!

Not your legs though. I would never ask anyone to keep their legs together. Obviously I didn't.

Chicken balls aren't authentic?

My family were always adventurous eaters and we sought out cuisine from around the world. But let's face it, unless you have someone who is highly familiar with a given cuisine, you are going to have trouble piecing a proper meal together. This was the case with my family and Chinese food.

Oh sure, it's not like we thought that giant egg rolls or chow mein were authentic, but we felt we were doing quite well with our lemon chicken. However, since having the joy of eating with TM and his family who LOVE to eat (like my family), we have learned so much more.

We now not only know they types of dumplings to select, but we know what dipping sauce goes with each. I order my favourite curdled tofu soup and dip the bread sticks in. I happily eat my way through hot pot. Gone are the days of thinking that chicken in black bean sauce was as authentic as I could get (although I cannot stomach chicken feet yet).

It made me realize how far I'd come in my Chinese cuisine knowledge when TM and I went out for a meal with my sister and nieces. My sister ordered General Tsao chicken. We couldn't finish the vast amount of food we had ordered, so we took the leftover chicken home. My sister can't stand leftovers - we have no such dislike. However, TM had never had General Tsao chicken in his life. It was so caramelized and he kept laughing asking, "Is this what caucasians eat as Chinese food?" And all I could think was, "well, yeah..." Here I had thought that that was one of the more 'authentic' dishes.

Letting the fox loose in the hen house

I am now the rep in charge of making sure that no one is harassed in the office. Reactions from colleagues include bursting into laughter or asking, "No, really? You?"

Truly, it doesn't seem right. It was because of my brilliant idea to put the featured guns 'n' gals for October one year as the screen saver on the computer in the shared reference office (many jobs past) that prompted the chair of our department to send around a strongly worded memo reminding us of the University's harassment policy. Some Women's Studies student had complained.

In all seriousness though, I'll do well at the task *because* I don't care about everyday workplace nonsense, but at the same time, I am hard-core about a diverse office.

Thank heaven for Japanese white bread

Forget baguettes, forget crusty Italian loaf - step aside rye, pumpernickel, and whole wheat - my new [admittedly unhealthy] carb joy is Japanese white bread. TM once described it to me as he had tried it in Tokyo. He said, "It's like a giant croissant".

Today we were out exploring north of Toronto. One mall up there is called J-Town. The last time I went there everything was shut except for one store, but this time it was open. It's a tiny complex mainly consisting of several restaurants, and one larger area which held a butcher, a grocery store, some china, and a bakery.

There are a lot of Asian grocery stores in the Toronto area so we didn't see too many different things, but the butcher had the most high-quality meat I've ever seen. Then we checked out the bakery. Near the cash, TM spied what looked like the loaf he had had in Tokyo. Of course we bought one.

Back home, I had a slice with some delicious yellow fig jam. Dear lord, this was mannah from heaven. It is indeed like having a decadent slice of croissant. I definitely didn't need to add any butter to it. TM was busy playing Halo and as I hadn't been considerate enough to cut him a slice of his own when I had helped myself, he asked for a bite as I sat next to him ooh-ing and ahh-ing over how good it tasted. He saw my look of incredulity and said, "Never mind." [Although I did then get up and cut a slice for him].

People, if you can find a decent Japanese bakery near you, try this stuff. It's so worth it.

I take my sleeping seriously

This is probably why I am starting to hate my upstairs neighbour. Oh I'm sure he's a young, partying dude and that's fine and all, but I'm not and I'm fine with making noise complaints every single time I hear his music through my ceiling.

It first started during the Olympics - he would come back home when the bars closed at 2am with a group of friends and crank up the music. I mean, this was loud, and I don't give a crap if it's Saturday or Friday night - I want to sleep. So TM started to call security several times until the music stopped.

It was annoying to the point that TM spoke with a friend of his who is a cop. She told us that as far as noise complaints go, you don't even have to wait until 11pm - whenever someone is making so much noise that it is interfering with your life, you can lodge a noise complaint. In some ways that makes for very intolerant living conditions, but then again, when dealing with a neighbour who is so clueless/ignorant, it's a good rule to know.

The other week we had to go to security again. This time the music was turned down immediately, but then there was audible music right through until 6am. I know that because I woke up at 6am to take the dog out and was confused about where the music was coming from. Later on when talking to a woman who is on the floor directly below him (we have a two-story condo so our bedroom is directly below his unit, but her unit is situated just to the side under his), she was commenting that his music was on all night.

Anyhow, after an initial noise complaint at two last night, the music was lowered but it started up again at 3am - at this lower volume. I think that drunk boy falls asleep to music. This time I got up and wandered over to security and we were both amazed about this guy. However, security must have done their thing as the music did indeed stop.

Perhaps I'll start to visit drunk boy at 6am when I get up with the dog...

And speaking of our doggy, here is her happy smile:

My doggy

She is a catalogue model, don't ya know?

Where do I live?

The other night TM and I were watching the series premiere of CW's Nikita. I'm used to seeing Toronto masquerading as other cities and it becomes a game to see what buildings you can recognize. At one point Nikita drove up to a building and TM remarked that it was City Hall. As I usually don't recognize anything, I was excited to see the familiar curves of City Hall. Right at the point where we were both agreeing - yes! yes! it *is* City Hall - onscreen Nikita stated to the guy in the car - We are at the UN.

This cracked us up beyond belief. I think for me it was so hilarious because I hold the UN in awe and here was a Toronto landmark (all very interesting in and of itself, but since I work right next door to it, not the 'omg the UN').

In other news, I can't stop eating comfort foods. It seems that Fall is encouraging me to gain. Nothing of course to do with my lack of will power...

New method of saving water

Normally we wash the dog about every three months in the upstairs shower stall. However, said stall is still filled with boxes from when everything was packed while our floors were redone. I had no energy to move all the boxes, so I just dragged the dog into the soaker tub on the main floor and washed her using that shower while I had my shower before work. It worked well.

With the higher sides of the tub, she couldn't run anywhere. She just stood miserably and endured her bath. Then when she had to shake, she shook herself still in the bath. Normally she runs out of the shower stall and gets water all over the bathroom, but she was way more inhibited by the sides of the tub. After a quick towel-dry, she went off and I just finished by showering/hair washing activity which also rinsed all the dog hair from the tub.

The dog never stays clean for long though. I think I saw her rolling in the dog park as I returned home on the streetcar. The dog does so much prefer to smell like sod/mud/poo/dead stuff. I preferred her burnt marshmallow scent this morning though (this is the scent of my doggy conditioning glitter spray). Too bad it never lasts.

Quitting is for quitters

I have cut down a lot on my caffeine consumption. I am down to a solo espresso in the morning. I do find that I am sleeping better. It used to be that I could have an espresso at midnight and be fast asleep half an hour later, but now caffeine does affect my sleep - one of the other stupid aspects of aging. Anyhow, today I thought, "Why don't I give up coffee completely?". It suffices to say that it lasted until noon.

End of summer

I can't wait for Fall. Of course right now Toronto is in the middle of a heat wave so Autumn doesn't seem near at all, but really it will be here before I know it. I like Fall. Finally no more air conditioning and yet no need quite for boots, scarves, and mitts.

Life is chugging along. I had insomnia the other night and went downstairs to read for a while. I decided to just sleep on the couch, but the dog was having none of it. She's part collie and she was so distraught at TM and me sleeping in separate rooms that she kept running back and forth, up and down the stairs, until I went back up to bed. She was fine when I was reading. Just not fine when I was going to sleep. She's such a herder. I guess it's in the blood.

I caught the Fur Snake nose to nose with the dog the other day, happily sniffing each other. When she knows she's being watched, the Fur Snake is very distant with the dog. Crazy girl.

Rip van Winkle time

Good grief. We are finally back in our condo. Remember the great flood of May 2010? That would be the one where our upstairs toilet broke and within minutes all of our flooring was destroyed. Since then we've been living on bare concrete floors with scattered area rugs which get dirty and covered in pet fur in days.

However, we took a week's vacation and during that time arranged for the flooring guys to come in. The dogs went off to a cottage with a friend for her own holiday and the kitties were boarded at my vets - that worked as my older cat had bad teeth and needed five removed so the operation was done during their time there. When we got back I had hoped the floors would be done, but no, it took a further week. That translated into me off to my parents' place with the cats, and TM off to his parents' place with the dog. Not to mention that we had to make the clothes we had packed for a week work for a week extra. Personally I would wear the same thing to work every day and not care, but it's not socially acceptable. I managed only with the help of 'casual Fridays'.

It was weird not having access to anything. Our insurance was great and the guys came in and packed EVERYTHING. However, that meant that anything we hadn't packed for vacation (which was to NYC so we had city appropriate clothes - luckily we weren't vacationing on a beach) was completely inaccessible. We also asked the movers not to unpack the boxes as we want to resort and store any item we don't urgently need. Our place was overly cluttered.*

However, we are finally back in and our floors are stunning. We opted not to replace the laminate downstairs and instead got polished concrete. I love it and it matches the ceilings which are also concrete. The best part though is being able to sleep with TM again and our menagerie. Our happy little household is finally reunited.

*mainly due to the fact that due to my previously untreated depression I was a hoarder, almost like you see on the tv shows.

Fear of BBQs

TM and I are the proud owners of the Big Green Egg(tm) grill and smoker. We love it. I can bake pizzas and grill my veggies and tofu on it, he can toss all sorts of dead animals on. I even learned how to start it and use it (I was never a bbq person) - and so far I'm loving it. However, I'm also somewhat scared of it.

My fear has little to do with the heat and smoke. Instead, it's because I find the BGE too close to this:

To non-insane people, the resemblance may not be there, but I can't stop thinking that the damn thing is going to start barking "Exterminate! Exterminate!" and then zap me. Normally I would view this as revenge of the meat, but for fuck's sake I eat tofu. No need for a bbq to turn on me!

Moreover, TM has threatened to attach a toilet plunger to the front of the bbq and wheel it around after me. I don't think he's taking my terror seriously. If you read about a woman dead of a heart attack found near a bbq with a plunger attached to it - you will know that Snooze is no more.

Blame it on the ring

Marriage is making me fat. I have become a lazy little cow - shuffling between work and the couch and deluding myself into thinking that walking home from work is enough exercise in the day. Must get back on track...

Stupid fact about me you don't need to know

I named my most recent vibrator after a committee I have to deal with at work. It makes booking meetings very entertaining for me. "Oh yes, I think I need MORE meetings with Committee X..."

Good day/ Bad day

It was one of those nothing days today. Work filled with successes and meeting with people I admire, and also having to suffer through some other moments of work that kill my will to live.

The day started well: I woke up at 6am and actually got out of bed instead of going back to sleep. I function much better if I get up when I first wake up. However, I had no cash whatsoever left in my wallet and needed to find the vital $2.36 before setting out with the dog for her morning pee, and my doppio espresso. Alas, change was not easily found. I had already gone through our $1 and $2 coins, as well as most of the quarters. As such, I was counting out dimes and nickels in desperation. Finally with the right amount in my pocket (plus enough for a decent tip), my espresso cup, and the doggy, I set out.

First stop: Starbucks. I get my doppio and chat with one of the coolest barristas ever. Then the doggy and I continue on to the park. With the insane heat wave that Toronto is having, my coffee doesn't cool down much so I haven't even had a sip when we get to the park. I REALLY prefer to finish my espresso prior to the dog taking a dump, but that didn't happen today. So I dutifully went to pick up her poo (barf, but doesn't bother me much now), and set my espresso cup down as far away as possible. But did that deter the doggy? Of course not. In her eagerness to greet another dog, she yanked on her leash and somehow crashed into my lone sad cup.

People, this is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but seeing that liquid gold seep all over the concrete? I wanted to cry. Especially knowing that I had no cash to buy another. I think that you might have caught mention of the trauma on CNN. It *may* have been eclipsed by the capture of a serial killer out in California, and I get that, but this was a tense moment.

The dog and I returned to the condo and had breakfast (kibbles for her, kibbles for the kitties, and yoghurt and frozen blueberries for me). I noted then that the dog also had some sort of extra snack. I wasn't sure what it was - peanut brittle? granola? Could not for the life of me figured what she had stolen. And then I realized... a big hunk of clumped cat litter. She had wormed her way into the nook where we keep the cat box and fished out a chunk. Fuck. I only realized this as I was poking the mass. I have watched my cats kill mice, but that pales in comparison to the grossness of what dogs like to snack on. This dog is so damn cute that I can't be angry at her, but sheesh. No espresso and having to witness shit-eating. Not my way to start the day.

However, I did find $2.50 at the bottom of my work bag, did get an espresso on the way to work, and best of all, did watch Spain win the semi-final. Or at least I watched the last 15 minutes. Stupid work. Then I came home and made vegetable soup au pistou. What a thrilling life I lead.

God Save the Queen

So many queens last week-end at Pride, and now today I am going to go and see the ultimate Queen - Elizabeth II. Then I have FIFA to watch at a late lunch. Goodness! I'm going to be at work until at least seven tonight just to get my hours in. Actually, I think that going to hear the Queen's address is a government approved work event. After all, in order to work for the provincial government you do take an oath to serve Her Majesty. To be honest, I never think of the Royal Family, but I'm looking forward to this. I think she's awesome.

Yesterday there was a mini black-out in Toronto and it affected the hotel where the Queen was due to dine. She took it all in stride. I thought, "well no fucking wonder. The Royal Family didn't even leave London during the blitz." A black-out is nothing for QEII!

Marching on

Yesterday was Canada Day but as I am disgusted by this country right now with our police state mentality and the social conservatism that our petty prime minister is bringing in I could not see a flag without wanting to vomit. Also, there were no World Cup games so I largely spent the day with the dog, either walking or sleeping. In the evening TM and I went to a fabulous Canada Day party at his friends' place. It was more of a housewarming. Amazing food, fantastic people, and no flags so it was a good time.

However, today I will smile fondly on Canada again because it is the start of Pride week-end in Toronto and I will be marching in the second annual Trans March. I need to try and get a Sis-squared t-shirt made up between now and tonight. That's short for Cisgendered Sister (cisgendered being people whose gender identity matches their felt identity), and is how my sister and I will be referring to me. TM will also be marching which makes me very happy to be his partner.

Happy 4th to everyone in the States and Happy Pride to everyone everywhere!

The war zone that isn't

Chaos managed to descend after all on Toronto's hosting of the G20. Cop cars burned, windows smashed, tons of arrests, peaceful protesters detained for no reason except mass confusion. Good times. I was out of town at the time at my sister's place.

The news images were shocking. The black bloc people smashing windows and torching police cars. And there was damage - the Starbucks where I had a particularly delicious non-fat no-whip tall two-pump mocha had all the windows smashed. I saw that on the news. What was the worst part was that in a heart-stopping moment I realized that my beloved Fluevogs, shoe store which has sucked up more than one of my pay cheques, was RIGHT NEXT DOOR. However, it was left untouched. The anarchists were only targetting multinationals. Whew.

Anyhow, by the time I walked home on Monday, Starbucks was open for business, windows were replaced, and the street was spotless. There were a few windows boarded up, but it looked like any major street in a city. I also read the stat that 3 cop cars were torched at the G20 protest, but 16 cop cars were torched after the last win from the Montreal Canadiens. That made me take a new view of how news is presented. Honestly, from my sister's place the news made it seem like babies were being sacrificed.

Meanwhile our idiotic prime minister spent 1 billion dollars on the week-end for hosting and security. The man is such an ass. I hope that Canadians wake up and vote him out.

It's a buffet!

The city has been largely deserted all week. It's G8/G20 protest time and we are in lockdown. My organization, in complete paranoia, allowed us all to work from home this week. Personally I hate working from home so apart from Thursday when I did work from home, I went into the office I normally work from on Tuesdays only. Its a bit more removed from security and protest sites so there was no problem there. I think the organization acted prudently, but it makes me laugh how paranoid Canadians are (because some people were genuinely frightened about coming into the office, as opposed to some who have decent office set-ups at home and were glad for the excuse to avoid the commute). One of the other people who was in the office was originally from Colombia. Meanwhile, my parents lived through WWII as children. Not that either of us want to see that level of violence in Canada, but good god, people were terrified of protests before they even started.

Don't get me wrong - there is a reason to avoid G8/G20 protests. Usually about 1% show up just to cause mayhem and even if you are peacefully protesting you can get caught up in a lot of violence. The protests are starting to get more intense - we'll see how it all unfolds. Earlier in the week the protests were cute and quintessentially Canadian. One of the head activists, a guy from a town outside of Toronto, lead the first protest of the week. You can tell from interviews with him that this is his moment in the sun. He wants to be seen as King Activist. Anyhow, he lead a group and wanted to occupy a building downtown. As the group was turned back by police, they then occupied a gas station briefly. Kudos to the protesters - they did not steal anything and were calm - but really, taking over a gas station convenience store? They weren't intimidating ESSO, they were no doubt harassing whatever immigrant/woman/marginalized person was staffing the cash. But again, I have to love the fact that it was a small march that was peaceful.

Back to the title of the post... a lot of people are upset about the intense security leading up to the G8/G20, but sweet Mary, mother of Christ, I'm in heaven. My walk home from work brought me near the security zone and there were so many motorcycle and bicycle cops. The hot ones have been imported for extra security. I also have a complete weakness for cops in riot gear. I don't like the larger picture of peaceful protesters being hurt, but as a pure fantasy, the big boots and guns just do it for me (I also have a special perv-on for photos of women with guns).

Then I get to watch hot fit men running around for FIFA. Sweaty, hot men. Oh, and can we even mention the amount of rain that some of the games have had? Yum.

And finally, I'm still a newlywed so coming home to my guy makes me thrilled too. So all in all, I'm enjoying a visual feast this week.

Coffee, step aside

There's a new addiction now. FIFA! FIFA! FIFA!

I'm watching Portugal right now play North Korea and it's pouring. Poor players - I mean, everything is soaked. I am kind of cheering for North Korea as they are the completely hidden team, but I also adore Portugal and they just scored, so yay Portugal! Toronto's streets will be going wild. Its not raining here.

This has been such a tournament of surprises. Apart from Brazil and Argentina which remain as powerhouses, so many top ranked teams have had surprising losses or nothing more than draws with teams that weren't expected to do much. England may not advance, Italy can't seem to score, the Spanish team lost to Switzerland - all making for an extremely exciting football tournament (Yes, football - not talking about north amercan football here).

And on the topic of drama, the French team is off the rails. One of the top strikers sent home for refusing to apologize after telling he coach, "Va te faire enculer sale fils de pute". Then the rest of the team refusing to leave the team bus for a training session as a protest. This is crazy. Not only is France not playing well, but this whole extra dimension is making for opera-level excitement.

USA is playing surprisingly well, but I can't stand their uniforms (as pictured above). I think it's meant to be historical or something but they look like Miss America contestants. I would get behind the look if they came out for one game in Speedos and the next in evening gowns, but as it is, the look is laughable. Perhaps they will at least ask for world peace during half time.

Anyhow, due to the G8/G20 chaos I'll be working from home Thursday/Friday so I'll have my laptop in front of me and the tv on in the background. Bliss! Alas, now I am off to the office where my FIFA viewing is limited to once in a while Internet updates.

Controlling my addiction

As much as I love coffee, I no longer keep any in the house. I only buy some for when I'm having people over. The reason is that I'm a complete addict and drink too much when I have it around.

I now control my addiction like someone on methadone maintenance therapy: each morning when walking the dog, I go to the local Starbucks and get my doppio espresso. There is no temptation to 'have another cup' once I come home, which is what used to happen when I made a delicious french press full of coffee.

So far it's working. The rest of the day I tend to drink tea which gives me less jitters. In methadone maintenance therapy if you don't miss days and are keeping off whatever addiction you had you are allowed 'carries' - meaning you get a dose or two to take home. I don't think I'm at the point where I can be trusted with carries yet. I'll still rely on going to the 'bucks each day for my controlled fix.

Life going on

How did I end up married to a milk drinker? We are going through 4 litres of milk a week. Yeesh! Still, I almost never see him drinking the stuff so life is good and we are still in a honeymoon phase.

Apart from that the city is going mental preparing for the G8/G20. Right now they are removing all the saplings from the security zone. Police are worried that protesters will use those poor little trees as weapons. I'm okay if it's some sort of 'save our trees' effort - as long as they are just housing the saplings for the duration of the summit and bring them back. I hope they don't just kill the little guys. Poor little trees. Victims of globalization.

Other summit news involves news stories freaking out about the fact that they are building a $57,000 fake lake in the news building. However, I think it's fabulous! I mean, the reporters in Toronto won't be able to run around and visit the beautiful lakes of northern Ontario, so why not a fake setting? It's called event planning and I think it's marvellous. No really - I do. Besides, I don't care if 57,000 is going towards a reporter pavillion. I do resent the insanely massive cost of security at the summit, but one fake lake? Bring it on! I hope the reporters can at least wade in it.

But of course the bean counters that make up much of the population are complaining that it's not a real lake. Please. As if the reporters are going to be able to work dockside in a secure zone at a lake in cottage country. Also, what the hell else would we do with $57,000? Yes, it's a huge amount for most of us, but really, for hosting an international press corps, the cost of the lake is not a big deal. And I'm sure it will be spectacular. It's not even like $57,000 would keep the local food bank running for that long.

And now, I must return to ironing my husband's clothes like the good little wife I am. And finishing the nice bottle of wine from his collection.

Love conquers all (eventually!)

Although my parents never once were verbally hostile to my sister nor threatened to disown her when she announced her transition, I would be lying if I said that none of us had our own issues to deal with. When a close family member radically changes their identity (or at least what we thought their identity was), it causes everyone to rethink their own identity.

In my case, I was fine with my sister's transition, but I did have a moment of identity crisis realizing that in my family, although I was still the youngest, I was no longer the only daughter. In fact the first thing I said to my sister when she told me about her true self (as at that time I was still looking at the person I had known as one of my brothers), after a sincere "that's great!" was, "I still get the jewellery!!!"

I'm over that now. At my wedding I specifically gave my sister the ring I had inherited from an aunt, and I kept the matching bracelet. My aunt had never realized that she had two nieces, so I figured that it was only right for my sister to also have a tangible memory of our aunt.

Enough about me though. This is to say how proud I am of my parents tonight. My mother believes that there is likely a genetic part to both sexual orientation and gender identity. She said that if people are judging her child, then she would just let them know that they were judging her because her child was a product of both her and my father's genetics. Anyhow, it wasn't said like, "Oh well, your sister can't *help* it, she was born like that" - it was more a celebration.

It's important to me having just gone through a wedding as it's nice to know that there is love in all forms. My parents also noted how touched they were to hear my father-in-law introduce his daughter and her wife to everyone when we were announcing guests from far away. Not that my in-laws ever had a problem with their daughter and her partner - everyone was at that wedding last year - but it's so nice that the public recognition wasn't an issue at all.

TM and I often laugh realizing that if either of our paternal grandfathers were still alive, they would not even have approved of our marriage. My Italian grandfather would have been horrified by the fact that TM has Chinese heritage, and equally, his grandfather would have been equally horrified that his beloved grandson was marrying a caucasian.

Here's to all the love in the world!

Meme from IDV

1. What's your earliest memory?

I don't really remember anything before school. Vague memories of eating a cheese sandwich in my friend's treehouse. There were three of us and she had a peanut butter sandwich and our friend Alistair had a banana sandwich. We all were showing what each looked like chewed up.

2. What was the last thing you ate?

Sweet potato biscuits, fried plantain, and blackened catfish. Damn good meal. I will be back at that restaurant.

3. Would you support a comeback by Steps?

Perhaps if I knew who they were...

4. What is your dream car?

A Smart car sitting in a used lot nearby. Ah, if only I could justify us having a third car...

5. How tall are you?

5'9". Okay, not really, but if I were my weight would be in a healthier range.

6. Margaret Thatcher vs Queen Elizabeth II: Who would win and why/how?

QEII of course. All those people singing to send her victorious - well, surely some higher power is listening?

7. Mama Cass died choking on a sandwich. What sandwich filling would you happily choke on?

Cheddar Cheese and Branston pickle.

8. Has a pick-up line ever worked for you? If so, what was it? If not, what was the worst reaction?

It didn't start out as a pick-up line, but on an exchange to Quebec we had to take a French test upon arrival, and then six weeks later when leaving. Both times I scored 69 despite my French having improved considerably. Anyhow, I was saying to a group, "69! I can't believe I got 69 again". Then I noticed the incredibly sexy local guy nearby and added, "Mais j'aime le 69". We ended up making out as my train arrived.

One pick-up line that didn't work on me, and I remember it even 20 years later was some guy who made me guess how much he made. When I had no interest in his income he said, "Jesus Christ I hate chicks like you. You don't know how well I'm doing." I looked at him and stated, "I said I'm happy for you. If you think I'm going to suck your cock because of it. You're wrong." I think then he realized what an ass he sounded like.

9. You find yourself inexplicably cloned, barely wearing something sexy, and gagging for it. You would, wouldn't you?! Just out of curiosity, or maybe for some other reason?

You added to this didn't you? I knew what you were getting at the first time and yes, of course I would. Mind you, I'm often such a lazy lay that it might end up being a cuddle session. Still, I do have spectacular breasts. I would like to nuzzle them at least.

10. How did you find this blog? Go on, indulge me!

This is making me want to cry as I think I found you via UK bloggers who don't blog anymore: Imogen, Tickers, Clare and her love of cake... but probably originally via Glittering Lee (who still blogs) and him via Mainja who I now know in real life, and who lives in Toronto - but who doesn't blog anymore either!!!!

Living with a doggy

As everyone predicted, my little zoo is happy now. The cats and the dog all have figured out how to share space. I would say that over-all I am still a cat person, but I do completely adore our dog, and I see how people get so addicted to the instant feedback and enthusiasm that dogs give.

I am the morning dog walker as TM is not a morning person. Each morning the dog and I do a circle route: we leave the condo, go around the corner to Starbucks where I tie her outside and go in and get a double espresso, and then we continue on to the nearby parkette where she has her morning poop and pee.

This morning however, I was not fully awake, and neither was the dog. I was chatting on my cell phone with a friend (before 7am, but she has a toddler so I knew she'd be up) and as I was telling her that I had to go and walk the dog, I realized that I had my espresso cup in hand, the leash, was opening the door to outside - but there was no dog. That would have been an interesting walk. It's odd because I really wasn't cognizant of the fact that Zoe was missing. I knew that something was wrong, but it was only as I was stepping out the door that I realized that I was carrying an empty leash. I do love our morning walks together though. It's a nice way to start the day, although I did also enjoy my routine with the cats which was to let them outside first thing in the morning to have a morning run.

I think that over-all though there aren't many differences between having cats or dogs. They both need a ton of love and attention. Also, for everyone who thinks cats are moody - try living with Zoe. She is a constant source of love, but if she thinks that she has suffered on the attention scale (ie I spend too much time cuddling the cats), she pees on our bed. There's no point in getting mad at her as we never catch her in the act. It's more that at night we'll be getting into bed and realize that the sheets are damp. It doesn't happen often so we tend to laugh about our moody little dog. That and as I type this I am getting every toy thrown at me. Bear is her favourite - she stands there squeaking Bear until I pay attention to her. Honestly, between Zoe and the Fur Snake, I'm not sure who the bigger attention suck is.

Slowly returning to normal

Last night I was so tired that I fell asleep in my work clothes. Woke up that way as well. The deep sleep helped though - I feel back to myself today.

As I noted, the wedding went well. Very well. It was the perfect size and style for us, but that doesn't mean it was not without its problems. I think this is why I avoided blogging for the past month or so. I didn't want to write endlessly about the wedding, and I didn't want to complain especially when at the end of the day, the man (TM) and I had nothing but love and support from everyone. That doesn't mean that people (including me) didn't from time to time descend into insanity during the planning process, but over-all, the people were great.

However, the following gave me great lessons in meditation and stress control...

Event #1: three weeks before the wedding (when TM and I were already behind on what we needed to get done) our toilet broke and flooded our condo. Luckily TM was home so he shut the water off right away thus saving all of our possessions. However, even in the short time that the water was spurting out of the broken pipe, it managed to destroy our upstairs floor, seep through the downstairs bathroom ceiling, and spread its joy under our downstairs flooring. We had thought that we had caught it in time, but when the insurance adjuster arrived that night, he told us that we had to leave for four days while people came in, packed our stuff, ripped up all the floorboards, and installed huge dryers. When I burst into tears, the guy said that they could wait until morning.

So, I was off to my parents' place with the cats, TM went off to his parents' place with the dog, and we spent the next four days apart and with no way to really continue with wedding progress. In the grand scheme of things the flood was not a big deal. The insurance people did a great job and were able to rip up everything while leaving most of our stuff intact. TM and I both had places to stay at. We had enough spare cash to tide us over for meals, etc. when suddenly having to uproot - we saved receipts and will claim them later, but at least we didn't have to worry about getting cash upfront. Also, a flood is never great timing. Yes, it was at a time when we had to kick into high gear for the wedding, but at least it wasn't mid-winter!

Event #2: That moronic volcano in Iceland. My aunt and cousin were flying from Scotland and their original flight was cancelled. TM's sister and her wife were also flying over from Europe and their flights were in question as well. It all worked out, but it wasn't until the last few days that we knew our nearest and dearest would make it.

Event #3: Aunt Flo arrived during the rehearsal dinner. In a big way. Again, what can you do? In my case, grab the Diva cup and then grab another glass of wine.

Other little things happened along the way. TM had stayed up late the night before the wedding loading music onto his Ipod, but then forgot it in our hotel. But again, not worth stressing over. We didn't have a first dance and I didn't have a dance with my father, but it wasn't necessary. There was no specific dance area set up so no one noted anything was missing. As for TM and I - we were having too much fun already. In fact, he really showed his strength in helping me through all the stress of wedding planning.

Tired but happy

Well folks, I am now officially married. Everything went very well on the day, and at the Chinese banquet the day after. I wasn't concerned about the weather because I decided well in advance of the wedding that as weather is the one thing none of us can control, I was not going to stress about it. That said, it was a sunny day and we were able to have the ceremony outside, which really helped as the indoor part of our wedding venue was small.

One of the stand-out moments for me (apart from the whole marrying-the-guy-I-love bit which was incredible) was that we had a friend of my mother's drive up from the States to play the harp at our ceremony, and at my request she played Robby Burns' 'My love is a red rose' while we were signing the marriage license. The surprise was that my father sang the song. I didn't expect that. Luckily they did that during the rehearsal so that I wasn't completely taken by surprise during the ceremony itself.

It was a small wedding so I got to talk with all my guests.

Like anyone notes, months of planning and over in a flash. Now onto the real challenge - marriage!

Still laughing

I was reading about some assertiveness meeting a guy had to attend and apparently when the instructor said, "There's no 'I' in team, a voice called out - yes, but there's a 'u' in cunt".

Moi? Difficult to live with?

Last night my guy told me that he was having trouble to adjusting living with someone. Not trouble as in 'can't do it/second thoughts' - just that he found it a big change and somewhat stressful to suddenly have to share space with a partner. Meanwhile, I've been telling everyone I know that this living situation has been such an easy adjustment for me. and that it's so relaxing.

My clutter is getting to him, whereas I'm more organized than I've been in 15 years and I'm loving living with my cats and a dog thrown into the mix. Admittedly though, my idea of organization is someone else's idea of domestic hell. One day he was upset about the state of our spice drawer. One of the spices had spilled. My thoughts were more along the lines of, "Who fucking cares - no one sees it anyhow", followed closely by, "OMG we have a spice drawer. This is so organized!!!"

Overall everything is fine. We are getting along happily and enjoying watching NCIS together (other shows we are not in agreement on. I never had the cooking channel or whatever the hell it's called and now realize that I wasn't missing a damn thing) - but I need to step up my cleaning patterns or he'll start to resent my astounding ability to live in chaos.

Inspirational message from a religious LEADER

Sometimes it seems that all religion sows is hatred and nastiness. In honour of Easter just passed, here is a fucking amazing speech from Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu. Well done sir - I'm so glad you received the Nobel Peace Prize.

In Africa, a Step Backward on Human Rights
By Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu
March 22, 2010

Hate has no place in the house of God.
No one should be excluded from our love, our compassion or our concern because of race or gender, faith or ethnicity -- or because of their sexual orientation. Nor should anyone be excluded from health care on any of these grounds. In my country of South Africa, we struggled for years against the evil system of apartheid that divided human beings, children of the same God, by racial classification and then denied them fundamental human rights. We knew this was wrong. Thankfully, the world supported us in our struggle for freedom and dignity. It is time to stand up for another wrong.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people are part of so many families. They are part of the human family. They are part of God's family. And of course they are part of the African family. But a wave of hate is spreading across my beloved continent. People are again being denied their fundamental rights and freedoms. Men have been falsely charged and imprisoned in Senegal, and health services for these men and their community have suffered. In Malawi, men have been jailed and humiliated for expressing their partnerships. Just this month, mobs in Mtwapa Township, Kenya, attacked men they suspected of being gay. Kenyan religious leaders, I am ashamed to say, threatened an HIV clinic there for providing counseling services to all members of that community, because the clerics wanted gay men excluded.

Uganda's Parliament is debating legislation that would make homosexuality punishable by life imprisonment, and more discriminatory legislation has been debated in Rwanda and Burundi. These are terrible backward steps for human rights in Africa.

Our lesbian and gay brothers and sisters across Africa are living in fear.

And they are living in hiding -- away from care, away from the protection the state should offer to every citizen, and away from health care in the AIDS era, when all of us, especially Africans, need access to essential HIV services. That this pandering to intolerance is being done by politicians looking for scapegoats for their failures is not surprising. But it is a great wrong. An even larger offense is that it is being done in the name of God. Show me where Christ said "Love thy fellow man, except for the gay ones." Gay people, too, are made in my God's image. I would never worship a homophobic God.

"But they are sinners," I can hear the preachers and politicians say. "They are choosing a life of sin for which they must be punished." My scientist and medical friends have shared with me a reality that so many gay people have confirmed, I now know it in my heart to be true. No one chooses to be gay. Sexual orientation, like skin color, is another feature of our diversity as a human family. Isn't it amazing that we are all made in God's image, and yet there is so much diversity among his people? Does God love his dark- or his light-skinned children less? The brave more than the timid? And does any of us know the mind of God so well that we can decide for him who is included, and who is excluded, from the circle of his love?

The wave of hate that is underway must stop. Politicians who profit from exploiting this hate, from fanning it, must not be tempted by this easy way to profit from fear and misunderstanding. And my fellow clerics, of all faiths, must stand up for the principles of universal dignity and fellowship. Exclusion is never the way forward on our shared paths to freedom and justice.
Desmond Tutu is archbishop emeritus of Cape Town, South Africa. He won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984. His editorial is reprinted courtesy of the Desmond Tutu Foundation.

[link found on The Body: http://www.thebody.com/content/art56014.html?ic=700100]

the looming shadow

With my mother recovering at home and all fine except for a majorly broken arm, the wedding plans are now at the forefront again. I am grateful that neither side is trying to go overboard on preparations. I am also trying hard not to fall into some sort of bridal craze. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I start to think, "I wonder what I'd look like in a white gown" despite the fact that wearing a white gown would be so alien to me. I force myself at those moments to examine each part of 'what is expected' and see if it makes sense to me and to C. If it doesn't, it doesn't get done. It is also important for us that our families are happy.

Please note - I am [obviously] only discussing what works for me and C. and our families - many people choose different paths and that's their choice. C. and I ideally wanted a simple City Hall wedding. We realized though that it was important for our families to be there and so we agreed to a family-only wedding and reception.

We skipped the engagement ring, I didn't choose a long white dress, he will not be wearing a tie, much less a tux, and we are getting married on a Sunday by an officiant in the clubhouse of my parents' condo. We are having wedding rings, flower girls, and a formal dinner. And of course, my shoes cost 4x as much as my dress (I'll never wear it again - no point in spending much on it IMO- whereas the shoes, sigh, they are beautiful). C's outfit cost by far the most but we decided to also get him a kick-ass pair of shoes and a gorgeous jacket which he will be able to wear well into the future. I asked my mother to make the cake and she did. It's the traditional Scottish fruit cake which is now being bathed in brandy. Of course many people hate fruit cake but I love it and am so happy that we are doing that.

In short, we tweaked and trimmed to suit our tastes, but we are having a very typical wedding. And now, as I am bored beyond belief with the amount of time I have had to devote to planning all of this stuff already, I will return to regular life. Tomorrow I took the day off to hit the hills with a friend from high school. She is taking two of her sone skiing - however, her third son is a snowboarder so I will board with him. This will likely be the last chance to get out there before all the snow melts.

Deep breaths

Not the pervy kind, I'm only trying to stay calm and keep moving forward.

• My move was a nightmare. Last week I was at my old place until at least midnight every night doing final packing/moving/cleaning. The last night was the worst and thank heavens for the extra tags you can buy for garbage bags (you only get to throw out a binfull of garbage every two weeks, but you can pay for stickers if you need to throw out more. I love this because I still felt like I should pay more for all my excess garbage). And yes, I had TEN bags of extra garbage. This is in addition to 12 bags of recycling. Much of the garbage was old clothes that were not fit for Goodwill and broken appliances, etc.
• Wedding plans are moving along but are taking more time than intended.
• Not only did I move apartments, both my offices are moving and both libraries with those offices are moving. This is an endless hell
• My mum is currently in hospital with a broken arm so I have been running between work and the hospital and keeping my dad company. I am completely counting my blessings as her broken arm was the result of what could have been a much, much worse accident. I'm lucky to have my mum at all.
• By broken arm I am talking about a compound fracture that required pins, plates, and wires to set it. In fact, I had to leave the emergency room when I saw her wrist as I was about to faint/vomit and the emergency ward definitely did not need to be babysitting me.
• let me mention again about how blessed I and all my family are to still have my mum with us.

Chaos reigns supreme

The move is not going well, but much better than my last one. Most of the furniture was moved on Monday, but I am going to my old place tonight and will be spending all week-end packing the final items and cleaning. Ah well, it will all happen.

I do like living with the man though and eventually I have faith that the animals will all get along. Right now my older cat is living on top of my bookcase. She did the same thing when I got the Fur Snake. The dog is way, way too hyper as she adjusts to living with cats and me. Meanwhile, all this move nonsense continues to cut into my valuable Olympic viewing time.

Go Lindsey go!

I was out tonight but came home to the Canadian announcer almost having an orgasm over American Lindsey Vonn's ski run. He could not say enough good about it. Not only did she win the gold, but he said it's one of the greatest runs he's even seen (compared it to Franz Klammer's run in 1976). Then they showed the recap - very true. I admired the guts she had in attacking that run and heard her describing the pain in her shin the whole time. Great strength.

I'm glad too that Brian Williams was crediting a fantastic racer and didn't get hung up on nationality as every nation goes a bit overboard at times.

And back in my non-Olympic life where I consider 10 minutes on Wii Fit to be a workout, I have stalled in the packing process. My movers are arriving Monday morning so I'd better get back to it but ugh, I'd rather sleep.

Happy New Year!

It's the year of the Tiger. I'm not sure what that means except that I ate a heck of a lot of food and am discovering so many Chinese dishes. Growing up I thought that authentic Chinese food was the Pupu platter at the local Chinese/Canadian restaurant. Now I crave coconut bread and live for the fungus/tofu platter. I am not very adept with chopsticks, but I muddle my way through. My next challenge will be to learn basic mandarin. At least to say please/thank you/more food.

One snack that was new to me at my in-laws house were smoked watermelon seeds. The hell? I am used to just spitting them out from watermelon, but indeed there is a tiny nutcracker you can use to split the husks apart and get out the seeds. Coolest thing ever, but too much work for me. I'm more a pass-me-the-noodle-bowl-and-stand-back type of girl. However, my nieces (who were invited for New Year's along with my sis) LOVED the seeds. I had to sit and shell them endlessly for them. Until I got bored with that. Then my youngest niece figured out how to shell the seeds all by herself. I was quite impressed. That girl is like me - will learn anything for food.

Right now I am packing and watching the Olympics. I'm watching NBC as the Canadian channel is broadcasting the hockey game at present and I'm not in the mood for that. Too bad snowboarding is not on right now, but I'm getting a kick out of figure skating. I don't actually care much for it, but I do like the drama.

Am also having panic attacks about one person for life type thing. I love C., but I love cock too.

What if...

What if in a relationship YOU were the asshole, the jerk, the one who fucked it up completely? I would love to look back and see that all the guys I dated were flawed in some way and didn't recognize my inherent greatness, but truly, I was so utterly and ultimately destroyed by my last break-up that I had to realize that maybe I was the problem in my relationships.

Did any other Canadians know this rhyme?

I remember in grade school how I would lock arms with a few girls and we would march around the playground chanting, "Hey! Hey! Get out of our way! We just came back from the U.S.A! Hey, hey, hey..."

Anyone in our path would be mowed down.

Strange.

They may just be friends

The bf's dog and my cats have been spending more time together. The Fur Snake now retreats to the bedroom windowsill when the dog is over and hisses from up high. If not on the windowsill, then she crawls under the bed and hisses and spits from down there. The dog goes nowhere near her (smart dog).

However, my older cat is now choosing to stay curled up on the cushions at the end of my bed. She used to run and hide behind my bed, but she now stays still, purring away even when the dog jumps up on the bed near her. Usually the dog is too intimidated to approach, but the last time, the dog reached out and tentatively licked Tasha's side. I'm sure Tasha was horrified as her cat tongue is barbed and dry - such a good grooming tool - as opposed to the slick tongue on the dog. Yet she didn't move right away. She only moved on when the dog in her exuberance whacked Tasha with her ever-wagging tail.

I'm cautiously optimistic that our blended species family will be okay. At least we are reaching a point where the merged home will not be a chaotic cat/dog battleground.

Not blank! Real words!

I'm not incredibly busy, but I'm constantly busy. Last night I slept a blissful 10 hours and still felt like never getting out of bed. Right now it is a Friday night and I so desperately want to go to bed before 10pm, but instead will clean as my landlady may be showing the apartment tomorrow and I need to clean.

But here's a list of what I've been up to...

1. Planning a wedding. As noted in the comments of the blank post, I'm getting married in May. Never mind that our guest list is small and family only. Never mind that we are low-key. These suckers take time and energy to plan. Still, all fun.

2. Threw a girl-drink drunk party for a friend's birthday. It was a small but drunken crowd. The bf and I served Purple Penises (sickly sweet shooter), lichee martinis, pina coladas, fuzzy navels, velvet hammers, and amarula paralyzers. And then I made everyone do shots of liquid cocaine. I made it to bed and then passed out cold. I can't believe I didn't throw up, especially on that number of sweet drinks. Walking the dog and picking up her poo the next morning at 6:30am was not easy. And then when I passed Starbucks and discovered that they didn't open until seven, I almost cried.

3. Discovering the joys of a slow cooker. Truly it is the most forgiving kitchen tool around. I made lamb shanks with beans and it was delicious [not that I ate it - but those that did loved it] - and so easy!

4. I am almost at the end of Season Three of the The Wire. Truly I love this show.

Happy Birthday Sis!

You rock. Finally we can celebrate your birthday as you.

And PS, I like you. Am so grateful that after all these years of knowing you, I finally get to know you as your true self.

Update: As my parents were in town, we all went out for Indian food last night. Apparently my parents had given her a card that was one of those tasteful but sweet, "To our beloved daughter" cards [and BIG props to my folks for reaching a point to do that] whereas the card I found said simply, "Happy Birthday C--t" [not typing out the word simply because I'm now at work - and must go now for same reason]

Shamed by technology

I have a Wii Fit. I love it because it is shaming me into losing weight. I love it because I step on the balance board and the little bar goes up, up, up the BMI scale until it settles on telling me that I am overweight. At the same time it makes the lovely little Mii icon that I crafted to look like me, get wider proportionately.

There is a lot of controversy about the validity of the BMI scale, but still, it's a pretty handy guide. I'm not incredibly muscular or have tiny bones or anything that would skew the results beyond recognition - the Wii is right - I am slightly overweight. AND it doesn't give me a lecture about how I should stop worrying about my weight and how I'm fine just as I am and how the average woman is 5'3" and 153 pounds (or something like that) because I don't give a crap about any of that. I want to lose 10 pounds and this is just the incentive I need.

I love the fact that it tells me I'm unbalanced - because I am. Mentally, yes, but the Wii is judging my balance physically. I am determined to improve. I am determined to stop that fucking irritating Wii Fit tips screen from telling me such obvious things like I need to eat less. It's so beautiful that I am inspired to workout by some electronic toy. The result is that I am faithfully doing my Wii balance and mild cardio stuff. I know that this does not count as a major workout but I also know that I will not haul my ass to a gym so at least I am moving around a bit.

I love my Wii.

What I'm crushing on right now...

HBO series The Wire. I'm late to the series (as in, it's over), and I'm only on Season 2, but man, what a great show. And I have blogger jkg to thank for the tip. He noted on his blog how good the show was, and I filed that away in my little mind. jkg has great taste - although I will never be converted to watch Lost.

I'm completely in love with the portrayal of the two lgbt characters on The Wire:the sexy as hell drug-dealing Omar, and the other equally hot Detective Greggs. Opposite sides of the law, but either one could make their way into my bed any freaking day.

Apart from my humping the table legs and licking the tv screen when either of these characters is on [not to mention Greggs' hot as hades girlfriend], The Wire is a fantastic drama. I'm glad I'm watching it on DVD as I have had to fast forward through two scenes so far: one made me cry, and the other made me almost vomit at the violence [but in general there isn't much graphic violence shown].

Please, if you haven't already seen it, get The Wire and join me in my newest love.

Happy New Year!

This year sucked for so many people and may the year ahead be much, much better. For me, I hope that positive aspects of 2009 continue. As the first year of my adult life when I haven't contemplated suicide, I think I have to hold 2009 in some sort of esteem.

Now, what does bring tears to my eyes [and by that I mean cry my eyes out in disbelief and happiness] about 2010 is that finally, FINALLY, the U.S has lifted the travel ban on HIV-positive individuals. This ban has been in place for 22 years. It was placed by Ronald Reagan (but in fairness, everyone was terrified of 'AIDS' then, and didn't know much about it), yet remained all these years, even when medical evidence showed that the ban did no use in preventing HIV, even during the reign of the supposedly progressive Clinton. Finally under Dubya the ban began to be lifted, and now under Obama, it will be a thing of the past (or lifted yesterday, I couldn't quite determine if it was the 4th or 11th that it would be removed).

Anyhoo... my friends can now travel to the States if they wish, or even pass through on connecting flights and not live in fear of their meds being discovered and going on a no-fly list. Or worse, of leaving their meds at home for week-end trips and risking becoming drug-resistant to life-saving meds. The travel ban was the reason that the biannual International AIDS Conference has not been held in all those years in the US. The next one after this year's one will be though.*

So despite many challenges still remaining for people living with HIV, this is one less.

And that my friends makes me pretty damn happy. I will be even happier when a cure is found and I won't have to ride my bike 600 damn painful kilometres to raise money for the cause.



*It kind of makes me vomit that the US gets to hold the conference the second it finally shows some humanity but whatever. There are all sorts of fantastic HIV docs, researchers, and organizations in the US who have pioneered so many advances in HIV treatment and policy so I'll take the 'woot! let's celebrate' side instead. Not to mention that two of the three times the prestigious conference has been held in Canada the Prime Minister of Canada couldn't be bothered to show up...